By 8th Grader Jackie Doyle Padgett
Gil, that sneaky master of mischief, challenged the Blog Class to write about Chaos. As we are here sandwiched between Thanksgiving and Winter Holiday fare, Jackie immediately thought of the chaos of sitting down to dinner with family. Multiple generations coming together, the extra leaf in the table, the dogs loose–what could possibly go wrong?
You’ve probably had at least one big family dinner where all of your grandparents and cousins and friends come over for the holidays, and, if so, you know it can be utter chaos. Maybe your new little cousin is running around, and you’re stuck watching them, or your uncle brought up the same embarrassing story he tells all of your friends when you bring them to dinner. There are a lot of complicated layers and minefields to family dinners: the food, the miscommunication, the animals, the kids, the occasional assault, and disease.
Food
A lot can go wrong with food: the process of cooking it, the process of eating it; and (in Ms. Schapiro’s case) regarding what to wear while eating it.
Ms. Brady, our current French teacher, told me when she was younger her mom was cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Her family normally ate between 2 and 4 p.m. Her mom would get up early and begin cooking so that all the family would wake up to the smell of the turkey. For some reason one Thanksgiving morning, Ms. Brady didn’t smell turkey cooking. The family soon realized the oven was broken. After hours in the oven, the turkey hadn’t even started to cook. They decided to eat pizza instead.
Matteo Lam, sophomore, said he was around six years old when he held the belief that he “could swallow grapes whole.” He tried it. It didn’t end well. Matteo said, “I could’ve died; I’m okay now though.”
Zoe Groendycke, 7th grade, said one Thanksgiving her grandpa came over to dinner, and he started choking on the turkey. Zoe’s stepdad ran to the rescue and did the Heimlich Maneuver. Then her grandpa decided to leave because he thought the food tasted bad.
Ms. Schapiro tells us her mom is “basically a professional cook,” so for her big family dinners they focus on the food. Since she and her brother are grown adults and have their own homes, they’ve developed their own dining habits–some different from their mom’s. Sometimes dinner etiquette is an issue. Ms. Schapiro said, “My mom doesn’t like me eating barefoot during dinner–even though my feet are under the table.”
Miscommunication
Whether you text or talk in person, there’s bound to be some miscommunication regarding dinner plans. Rhys provides a prime example of the chaos that can ensue when the hosts don’t get the message.
Rhys Foxx, 8th grader, told me, “My sister came to dinner without a boyfriend, and we realized they broke up. . . . We never knew.” Until dinnertime.
Animals
Originally I wasn’t going to make a section for animals, but animals kept coming up in the middle of family dinner chaos. I decided these creatures could be a main source of mischief.
Sierra James, 8th grader, said at one dinner “My dad spent like 30 minutes cooking burgers, and once he set it on the table, my dog Bo jumped on the chair and ate like half of the hamburger bun.”
Kimberly Sayers, 8th grader, said once, “During dinner my cat was scratching the table cloth, and its nail got caught. She ended up almost pulling the entire thing off–it was filled with food by the way.”
Ms. Maguire once put chicken on the counter. One of her cats, Thor, jumped up and stole an entire chicken breast.
John Webster, 8th grader, recalled A Case of Missing Turkey: “My mom left the house, after making turkey, to pick me up from soccer. She accidentally left turkey out on the counters, and when we came back it was all gone. We assume the dogs ate all of it.”
Miscellaneous
I couldn’t choose where to put the remaining stories, so here’s a grab bag of Miscellaneous family dinner mishaps. You’ll find all sorts of things in here: music, collarbone casualties, and, sadly, sickness; try not to get lost.
(Anthony) Tony Ratner, 8th grader, recalled one dinner when “We’re in this tiny 150-square-foot room, and we have this big speaker . . . . I put it full blast playing Gangnam Style. Then I showed the fools (aka his family?) in that room the best moves they’d ever seen. They took videos and everything and we had pumpkin pie. COSTCO PUMPKIN PIE. Put that in all caps, please. Then, we lived happily ever after.”
Sawyer Falzone, senior, recounted babysitting a gaggle of kids during one holiday dinner. They think they were 9 years old and their parents asked them and their cousin (around 7 years) if they could help babysit these kids. The kids were . . . 5 and under. One problem was that there were 5 kids . . . on a huge ranch. “Somehow we managed to keep everything under control.”
Ms. Zachik had a family tradition of playing flag football while her mom would make dinner. The entire family (except Mom) would go to the park with neighbors and friends. Well, during one game she pushed her dad to the ground. He ended up in the ER. “I forgot whether it was a dislocated shoulder or a broken collarbone,” she said.
Rachel De La O, junior, said, “Last year Thanksgiving around an hour after we ate, my sister went into labor.”
Finally in our last response, Charlie Cowley, 7th grader, faced a very contemporary Thanksgiving problem: “Everyone got Covid after our dinner.”
When I started this blog post idea, I didn’t expect to get some of these crazy stories, but, honestly, they’ve been so fun to read. If I missed you in my interview session, make sure to put your chaotic dinner story in the comments below.
