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The Bird is the Word: Sophisticated Schoolyard Shenanigans

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December 2, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

Non-COVID-19 Passports That Reduce Your Risk to Society

A prompt inspired by Zach Zimmerman from the April 19, 2021, New Yorker

Image may contain Human Person and Text
Illustration by Luci Gutiérrez
  • While electronic vaccine passports are being debated, consensus is forming around several other passports that would communicate the level of danger you pose to the world. Here are some “passports” from The New Yorker and thebirdonfire.org staffers:

Flip-Flops Passport

Discloses when you last wore flip-flops in a non-nautical setting.

Sobbed-During-“Nomadland” Passport

Identifies that you cried during Swankie’s farewell monologue.

Magic-Trick-on-a-First-Date Passport

Confirms that you have never performed a card trick on a first date with a potential romantic partner.

From alumnus Erik Bearman:

Joe-Mama Passport

Documents how often you tell jokes about someone’s moms.

From senior Sara Habibipour:

Unseasoned Chicken Passports

Documents what spices you use to season your chicken. If you only use salt…get out. 

Toilet-Paper Hogger

Documents how much toilet paper you hoarded from the shelves. Don’t think that we didn’t notice, Karen…

From current blogger Roman Rickwood:

Do-you-even-lift bro passport

Confirms that you are telling the truth about your PRs in the gym.

From alumnus Hannah Hall:

Long-time-no-see Passport

Marks the amount of times you have told an old friend you should “get coffee sometime” and not spoken ever again.

From alumnus Elizabeth Shay:

5-Second Rule Passport

Demonstrates the last time you have justified consumption of a fallen food using this “foolproof” argument.

From alumnus Jake Sonderman:

Dasani Passport

Confirms that you drink Dasani water. Gross. 

Diet Coke Passport

“I have never seen a thin person drinking diet coke.” – Donald J Trump

Country-Music Passport

This passport gets you discounts on Stagecoach tickets but doesn’t let you within 200 miles of the Capitol Building.

From alumnus Evan Spry:

Dog-Approval Passport

A passport that discloses the overwhelming opinion that dogs have about you.

Filed Under: Alumni Speak Out, Something to Think about Thursday Tagged With: From the Archives

The Diary of My Pandemic

May 12, 2020 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment


Poets & Writers posted the following diary entry from Samuel Pepys–who lived through the Great Plague of 1665 in London.

“September 3: (Lord’s day.) Up; and put on my colored silk suit very fine, and my new periwig, bought a good while since but durst not wear, because the plague was in Westminster when I bought it; and it is a wonder what will be the fashion after the plague is done as to periwigs, for nobody will dare to buy any hair, for fear of the infection.”

I asked our bloggers to write their own short, daily journal entry on their observations and feelings about our current coronavirus pandemic. I asked, “How have your small, everyday routines been affected? How have new habits popped up? Record your musings along with feelings of loss, helplessness, anger, humor, or hope.” Here’s what they wrote.

from LUKE LANGLOIS

MARCH / APRIL / MAY ??????? WHO KNOWS – Every day is the same. One day, it’ll be Monday, and the next it’ll be Monday again… of the next week. Time all bleeds together. What is there to look forward to besides the end of my hour-long classes (sometimes we really don’t need to use the entire hour staring at each other, teachers). My dog is getting tired of me. I’m not even sure what news to trust anymore since it is pretty much all partisan in some way. One day, we will be FREE, and I better not hear anyone complain about anything ever again. Also, I bought 1,000 barrels of oil and they are being stored in a secret underground bunker. I will be an oil tycoon when the market rebounds (not really).

*********

from Quintus Ni

During these couple weeks, everything is going the same. I can’t say that’s good or bad. But sometimes it makes me feel bored, even frustrated…Because this coronavirus disturbs everything, even affects global economics..As an international student here, I heard lots of voices about this COVID-19 saying it comes from China, that it’ s definitely the Chinese at fault…well, I don’t know what can I say…The only thing I know is I’m Chinese…. I think we should learn from this coronavirus; don’t blame each other. No one wants this to happen again.

On the other hand, I feel grateful to find my “old friend.” I’m playing piano NOW. “How long has it been since we last met!!” I already learned three new songs. I remember my first time playing the piano when I was 4 years old….Every time when I feel exhausted or anxious, I will come to see my “old friend” with my fingers. He always chooses to listen to my moods, feelings, and stories which are my best memories from my childhood.

**********

from Katelin Slosky

WEEKDAYS: PAINFULLY HONEST

7:30 AM- get up bc your mom wants to wake you up at this time even though school starts at 8:30 (why tho? Was 9:30 not available? You know what, i guarantee most teenagers would be infinitely less tired if school started at 9:30 or 10 am)

8:30 AM-school starts, and your kinda just tired

9:30- you have a 30-minute break, and sure, of course, you could finish your homework for the class you just had, but why not choose to be uNprOducTiVe, and watch TikToks until you realize that your 5 minutes late for the next class

10:05-you join your next class, when your computer sends you a notification, telling you that you are low on battery. You quickly plug in your computer, and proceed to not say anything during the class because you are muted, and are unobligated to say anything.

11:00-lunch, except i don’t really eat lunch, so I just spend time in my room studying for something I will never achieve because everyone is uNsUppoRtivE, just kidding, you just don’t believe you can achieve your goal.

12:00- lunch ends, and you join your next class. Unless it’s monday, in which that is replaced by a study hall. Are you productive? No, of course not. You are surrounded by 500 tiny sheets of paper and feel obligated to make giant origami structures out of 6cmx6cm pieces of paper

1:30: Your last class starts and you join your last class. If it’s a wednesday and that class is English class, you live in fear that Mr. Griffin will ask the class a question and no one will respond, making YOU feel obligated to answer the question. And of course you can’t do that, you didn’t understand the ‘themes of the scarlet ibis’ either.

2:30: Last class. If it was advisory, it ended at 2:00. Are you going to do your homework? Of course not. Instead you eat chips and wonder, if you washed out the chip bag, you could make an origami star out of that material.

3:00- may or may not have violin. May or may not have practiced. Don’t worry, i practiced this week. Once. practice is not guaranteed for next week.

11:00 pm – spent time on homework. An hour at most. I have more pressing matters to attend to, such as re-organizing my washi tape collection.

**********

from Anonymous

April 30

ever since this plague started I have spiraled out of control. it’s not like this is new to me, “don’t go outside, no visitors over one person and they have to really disinfect, an infection could kill you”, except I’m not a couple days fresh out of surgery. I’m feeling like I am though. Life was already feeling like it was a chaotic mess out of my control, and then this happened. I’m stuck inside, unable to do much, unsure why my brain panics and deletes information. With my dad. He hasn’t talked to me in two days now, and I genuinely don’t know what I did wrong. He roped me into a heated conversation between him and my mum, then cornered me until I admitted that I would like him to yell less. Then he yelled that we were awful, and all that jazz about no other man being as good a father as him, and how (with my personality) no one would ever truly love me as much as him, after he died I would be on my own because my mum is “incompetent”, ya know the usual. He’s probably not wrong, I am extraordinarily annoying. At this point it’s getting harder and harder to live with him, I mean he’s always been like that, but now I don’t have any physical escape. I’m trying to hold on, but everyday it’s getting harder to get up in the morning. Again, this situation isn’t super new personally, but I thought I was done staying at home because of my health, and then this happened….. Oh well, right? 

signing off

**********

from Chelsea

Hello, today is April 5th, 2020. Still under quarantine. It has been a week or so, since I last updated, and yea, the coronavirus is still going on…..you know it’s getting kind of worse….North America and Europe are getting worse like whoosh! Skyrocketed. And yea, want to let you guys know I’m doing well. 

This is pretty new but like…In the future maybe someone will see this and you know, this is under some historical files of the future I don’t know…that’ll be cool though. Life is going well, it’s pretty normal for me, I usually go for a walk or so each day. Sometimes, everyday, yea. But the government had ordered us not to go out, if we can. And I’m limiting walking times as well, I mean, I’m okay with staying in, nothing much else happened. So yea, that’s pretty much my blog, see you next time. Hopefully this will get over soon, sayonara.

**********

from James Zheng

1th day of quarantining:

I feel like nothing has changed, it is just that life is in a different mode. We are not allowed to go out? Would that be better since we got more time to do things we want at home.

2nd day of quarantining:

I have stayed up a bit, feel like this quarantining could change my sleeping routine. And got the first call from my father, he is eager to talk about the date I am leaving America.

3rd day of quarantining:

Maybe I should buy some books and dumb bells to kill my time. Got a phone call from my father again, he seems kinda angry when he is talking about the news.

4th day of quarantining:

I feel like my mood has been ruined by this plague, why? I was imagning if this goes on for a while, my plan of traveling in summer is doomed. 

5th day of quarantining:

Such a good day, my father is paranoid with the plague due to the overloading of news and the increasing number of infections in America… It was understandable for him to be in that way but I almost got into a fight with him.  

6th day of quarantine:

Feel like video games are so boring, there is nothing I want to do… everything is becoming so boring, don’t mind if I end here. 

7th day of quarantine:

Again, having a conversation with my father about the future plan, we talked a lot, but mostly his complaints about Trump…

10th day of quarantine:

Woohoo! My books are here! Now I got something to do. 

14th day of quarantine:

I can clearly see this intense dark outline around my eyes… better go back to the normal sleeping routine.

15th of quarantine: it is only two weeks, but the numbers are just rising at an uncontrollable rate… and again I have got nothing to do… I want to play basketball (gazing at the ball in the corner).

20th of quarantine: Yep, nothing has really changed, except the new books I can’t understand at all, my boredom with video games, and the boredom that gets on me everyday. Well, i am gonna just end here, gotta take a call from my father…

**********

from Ms. Zachik

April 30: This morning, while outside journaling, I heard sirens approaching. They grew closer and closer, until they came directly up my street. A firetruck and ambulance stopped just a few houses up. The paramedics and firemen (they were all men) unloaded gear, suited up in masks and gloves and impenetrable jackets, and filed into the house. I was peering over the fence. Two pushed a gurney up the drive and inside. Within minutes, they filed back out, and along came my neighbor, seated, on the gurney. “Are you taking any medications?” I heard the paramedic ask. They lifted her in the ambulance. No one else came down the drive to watch her anxiously as she was driven away. She was alone.

Share you own observations @ thebirdonfire.org.

Filed Under: Something to Think about Thursday Tagged With: The Diary of My Pandemic

Happy National Poetry Month

April 23, 2020 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

In honor of this month ‘o poetry, I asked Bloggers to share their favorite poems. Chelsea found her favorite Longfellow delivered in delightfully lively fashion. The following clip comes from Poetry Out Loud finals.

Filed Under: Something to Think about Thursday Tagged With: Longfellow, National Poetry Month

In honor of Shakespeare’s birthday . . .

April 23, 2020 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

For our “Something to Think About Thursday,” I asked Blog Staffers to share a favorite poem, as it is National Poetry Month. Luke went a step further. Not only does he share some pretty famous verse, he celebrates Shakespeare on Shakespeare’s Day. Here is James Earl Jones performing a monologue from Othello.

Filed Under: Something to Think about Thursday Tagged With: National Poetry Month, Shakespeare

Something to Think about Thursday: Photos from the Home Front

April 2, 2020 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

I asked our PVS bloggers to document what they see from the Home Front in this time of coronavirus quarantine. They discovered old family photos, streets empty of traffic, happy dogs, a world outside still rich in sunshine and butterflies, the joy of sleeping in, the joy of cooking, and the joy of reading Nietzsche.

Photo by Renée Vazquez: “Picture of my great-great grandmother that we dug back up.”
Photo by Chelsea Xu: “Here’s some pictures I took during my walks. It’s usually very peaceful and quiet in my area, and I can hear the soft wind blowing and birds singing that I rarely had the time to listen to before the outbreak.”
Photo by Renée Vazquez: We noticed our dogs are pretty happy about having us around.
Photo by Quintus Ni: Quintus finds time to sit outside in the sun. It soothes him.
Photo by Doreen Yuan: We all get to sleep a little bit longer.
Photo by Susie Zachik: The foothills of our valley seem to be doing just fine, as are the blue skies, the clouds, the mountains.
Photo by Doreen Yuan: We’re doing a lot more home cooking.
Photo by James Zheng: James, of course, turns to Nietzsche in times of need.
Photo by Katelin Slosky: Katelin takes notice of the great butterfly migration going on.

Filed Under: Something to Think about Thursday

About

We are the Palm Valley Firebirds of Rancho Mirage, California. Join us in our endeavors. Venture through the school year with us, perusing the artwork of our students, community, and staff. Our goal is to share the poems, stories, drawings and photographs, essays and parodies that come out of our school. Welcome aboard!