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The Bird is the Word: Sophisticated Schoolyard Shenanigans

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A Savage Beast

April 26, 2021 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

There’s no need to build a new monster, says Evan Spry. Napoleon Dynamite created the original and best prototype.

To determine the perfect monster, a number of variables have to be aligned. I will express to you my mere opinion as to what the best monster is. For your information, my opinion should be regarded highly as I am fascinated with this topic.

Firstly, let’s get one thing straight; no ideal monster is gonna be a giant fire-breathing dragon or tentacled sea leviathan. And, before you say anything, remember that we live in a very modern world. These giant beasts won’t stand a chance against modern weapons or technology. We do have nukes. No dragon is going to take a nuke to the face and get back up. Secondly, gigantic monsters like dragons and sea creatures will be easily revealed and noticed by the global population. With the technology we have in our cell phones, we could do so much to help destroy the monster. And, for those reasons, you can’t be a dingus and choose a behemoth of a monster. 

Moving on, if I asked you what the two fiercest beasts in the animal kingdom were, what would you say? Well, that’s exactly right, a lion and a tiger! Luckily, there is such a thing as a real life liger or even tigon, but you can’t find those in the wild, and they don’t even look cool. So, I will be discussing the fictional yet fantastical liger that is featured in the hit 2004 film, Napoleon Dynamite. 

Mr. Napoleon does a great job of describing the ability of the liger, yet he is brief enough as to not give away any of its secrets that others could exploit. I really feel Napoleon is trying to protect his favorite animal in that way. In the film, Napoleon is confronted by a girl named Deb who asks him, “What are you drawing?” Napoleon responds by telling her that it is a liger, and when she asks him what a liger is he says, “It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic” (quotes.net). Just imagine how powerful this beast would be. Now, you may be thinking that this magical liger doesn’t count as a monster, but wait till you see Napoleon’s extremely accurate illustration. 

The liger as seen in Napoleon Dynamite

As you can see, this deadly creature could easily blend into the wild as a genetic mutation or just a weird looking lion while also inflicting damage at a major scale. Personally, I don’t need a liger because I don’t want to commit any major crimes. But, if I did, I could use the liger for so many things like robbing zoos, destroying things/people, and just pure intimidation. Anyways, the best monster would be something a bit off the grain, more of a thinking man’s monster, like a liger.

Build-Your-Own Monster Editor: Erik Bearman

Source:

https://www.quotes.net/mquote/66636

Filed Under: Monsters Tagged With: A Savage Beast

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We are the Palm Valley Firebirds of Rancho Mirage, California. Join us in our endeavors. Venture through the school year with us, perusing the artwork of our students, community, and staff. Our goal is to share the poems, stories, drawings and photographs, essays and parodies that come out of our school. Welcome aboard!