By Luke Langlois

Welcome to Editor Hannah Hall’s Conspiracy-Themed Week. Luke, below, is being satirical. Of course, he loves the College Board and all teachers.

Dearest readers of the blog, it is time to WAKE UP! It has come to my attention that there is a grand conspiracy that deeply, greatly, severely affects each and every one of us. Schools are beacons of brainwashing. If the government wanted to instill a certain set of values or ideas in the next generation, what would be the best way to do it? Would it be propaganda posters? Would it be a top-secret kidnapping program? The answer to both of these is, as you may have anticipated, no. The best way for the government to have its iron fist control the generation of the future is through the education system, through our teachers.

Teachers are one of the first authority figures we encounter in our lives. From very early ages we are taught to respect teachers and learn from what they have to say. As young children, we do not know any better than to absolutely accept this logic. Herein lies the problem. From this point on, teachers are fully capable of being the conductors of our poor, impressionable brains. The government is well aware of this fact and uses it to their advantage. Have you ever heard of the “Common Core State Standards Initiative”? This is an educational (BRAINWASHING!!!) initiative that sets the national standards for what students should know at the end of each school year. If schools are shown to have underperforming students, they are penalized. Unfortunately, this 2010 initiative managed to slip by our speculative goggles. Common core is the government’s way of controlling the teachers on a massive and undetectable scale. Quite frankly, it is the perfect crime. Teachers are unified under one curriculum to create a single mind. And, don’t even get me started on the College Board!

Here’s the bottom line: this systematic brainwashing causes us all to have artificial thoughts and ideas. None of us are our true and natural selves because of the specifically engineered influence from schools. We are all brainwashed to some degree. Who knows, perhaps you and I would be completely different people if it were not for this “education” system. Regardless of your allegiances, KEEP YOUR EYES AND EARS OPEN!

Editor: Hannah Hall