By Guest Blogger-Editorialist Charles Schnell, Singing “Hello, Dolly!” Too Loudly in the Afterlife

 

The possibility that there is no almighty deity, definitive meaning, or afterlife is a frightening notion, particularly if you’ve been paying for a Netflix subscription all this time.

After taking AP Chemistry for quite a few weeks now, I have come to hope that there is an afterlife, that there is more than this.

Though, when I reach the afterlife, I have a few questions that need some answering before I can start enjoying myself. Firstly, how long has it been since the afterlife was founded? How late is the neighborhood delicatessen open? Will my college debt carry over? Are there more levels of education? Have we gotten a clear lay of the land? How much money are the cartographers making per 1,000 maps? And, of course, is there anything after the afterlife? Is there anything after the afterlife’s afterlife? How many afterlifes are we going to have to go through before we get some peace and quiet? And, on average, what is the cost of quality plumbing in each of them?

Having posed those questions, we must remind ourselves that all of them will be answered eventually. It is of the utmost importance that we try not to worry about the future so much. How could we? There’s too much going on in the present moment to consider what could be, as well as what could have been.

Editor: Luke Langlois