–by senior Blog Correspondent Henry Huang

Samuel Johnson, a genius of the English language, wrote the classic A Dictionary of the English Language in 1755. This widely-praised, linguistic-shifting, perhaps antiquated, dictionary has some very funny definitions. It is one of the earliest and most important English dictionaries. Here are some witty, amusing entries:

 

Oats. n.s. [aten, Saxon.] A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people. (Samuel Johnson was NOT a fan of the Scottish.)
Sonnet. n.s. [sonnet, French; sonnetto, Italian.] A short poem consisting of fourteen lines, of which the rhymes are adjusted by a particular rule. It is not very suitable to the English language, and has not been used by any man of eminence since Milton.
Lexicógrapher. n.s. [λεξικὸν and γράφω; lexicographe, French.] A writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge, that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the signification of words.
Patron. n.s. [patron, Fr. patronus, Latin.] One who countenances, supports or protects. Commonly a wretch who supports with insolence, and is paid with flattery.

 

Reading these witticisms inspires me to write some of my own dictionary definitions:

A Dictionary of the English Language According to Henry:
Political Science: A study of politics, a study considered to be a modern-day dragon-killing skill

Life: A process from toothless to toothless.

Football (American): A sport that doesn’t necessarily need feet to play

Americans: A group of people who live in the United States. Sometimes a group considered annoying, loud, arrogant, and monolingual!

 

What contemporary English words would you like to RE-define?