As you prepare to sit around the holiday table with relatives and close friends, Ashley Zhou, specialist in relationships, has some conversational advice for you . . . .

–by Ashley Zhou

 

“We always take good care of our appearance, our clothing, and makeup. We look into the mirror several times a day, but we don’t listen to our own voices when we are talking.” — Kevin Tsai 

This is an excerpt from a famous Chinese book, The Art Of Talking by Chinese writer and TV host, Kevin Tsai. I think of this book when I hear my peers talk, chat, or argue about different topics. We really don’t care much about the way we talk to others. No one will actually tape his own voice and play it back at the end of the day. I once listened to my voice when I was doing a interview, and I felt really uncomfortable about my voice. I didn’t think the voice sounded like me. However, we can think in a different way: If we constantly listen to ourselves or pay attention to our voice volume and tone when we are talking, we will become better talkers.

When we are talking, we all want to be the dominator in the conversation. We always want to talk about ourselves. To be a good friend, however, we need to listen carefully to others. Try to avoid saying “I” in the conversation, instead, use “you” or “he.” Also, if you don’t want to be too blunt in front of newly made friends, then you should avoid those sensitive or potentially dangerous topics, such as age, relationships, politics, religion, etc. Some people have secrets that they don’t want to reveal, and others might have strong opinions about a certain issue that might cause arguments.

People want to hear compliments the most. We need to intentionally compliment our friends and make them feel special. Being a good friend doesn’t mean being honest or blunt. It means to place yourself in your friend’s shoes. Be empathetic. When we are asking someone for a favor, it is the same thing. We could use a little trick to achieve whatever we want. For example, when you want someone to cover for you at work, you may want to say, “Could you help me this time and I will substitute for you next month?”

Talking is an art, and it needs us to be studied and explored and practiced. A person who knows how to talk will be much more attractive than someone who knows how to dress.

 

–Edited by Gaven Li