CD Shenanigans

Feature Post

By 7th-Grade Blogger Mark Huber

Introduction

Just so you know, I spontaneously like CDs (compact discs) now. It’s because some song on Spotify was blocked, and so I wanted to listen to the song via records and a record player because the last time I went to North Carolina to see my Nana and my uncle my dad found some of his old records, and I listened to one. I liked it. So for Christmas I asked for a GOOD record player and some records to play. I didn’t get any. But in like January or February of this year I got the CD of the album I wanted, a Sony Discman CD player, and some wireful* Sony headphones. I was super excited, and I immediately started listening. Dad found some of Mom’s CDs, and I liked them too. So I became officially obsessed with CDs. Then my dad came up with a rewards system that every Sunday, if I did really well in hockey and school and behaved really well, I would get to grab a CD from a grab bag full of CDs from artists I really liked. I’m still grabbing as of May 2026. Anyway, moving on to the story…

*”Wireful” is a word I made up. It means something that has a physical wire connection instead of having bluetooth connections. I made this word up because there was no opposite word to “wireless” as far as I knew.

The Story, starring . . . Mark the Pig!

One day I decided to bring some CDs and my CD player and headphones to school. Mr. Pearhead was standing outside the main entrance to school looking really mad (as always).

“Hi, Mr. Pearhead,” I said while walking to the front doors.

“I’ll be taking THAT,” said Mr. Pearhead as he confiscated my CDs and stuff.

“Hey,” I said, “that’s my stuff! You can’t just take it away from me.”

“Uh, yeah I can, you BUM. According to the Rancho Mirage Middle School Rulebook of Rules and Regulations That You Have to Follow…” said Mr. Pearhead, “‘Mr. Pearhead has the right to confiscate a student’s belongings if he feels that they will disturb the classroom environment.’”

“Well, why don’t ya just confiscate me?” I asked.

“Huh?” said Mr. Pearhead.

“Well, I belong to myself, don’t I? And aren’t I always like disturbing the classroom and stuff?” I asked.

“Wait, I’ve never thought of it like that… what a great idea, Mark! I’ll be taking THAT,” said Mr. Pearhead. And he picked me up and took me into the school building.

After he dropped me into the seat in front of the principal’s desk, he gave me a very stern look, pointed at my CDs, and said,“Mark, what is the meaning of this?”

“They’re CDs. I listen to them,” I said.

“And why did they come to exist in the same air the school breathes?”

“Because I brought them here, duh.”

“Don’t you say ‘Duh’ to me! I already know you brought them here! What I meant was why did you bring them here?!”

“Because I get bored at school. And I see lots of people doom scrolling with their faces two inches away from their phones with their noise-cancelling headphones glued to their heads in class, so I thought ‘why don’t I bring my CDS?’”

“BECAUSE–” said Mr. Pearhead, in the action of jumping from his desk to assault me when someone knocked on the door.

“Come in,” he said as he sat back down.

The person came in.

“Your coffee, sir,” said Mrs. Choco.

“Gimme that,” said Mr. Pearhead, grabbing the coffee from Mrs. Choco. He sipped it.

“Hey, where’s the cream in this thing?” asked Mr. Pearhead.

“I-uh, I forgot–” said Mrs. Choco.

“Go get me a new coffee and DON’T FORGET THE CREAM!” yelled Mr. Pearhead.

“Uh, yes sir,” said Mrs. Choco, leaving the room.

“Stupid coffee,” said Mr. Pearhead, and tossed the coffee onto my head so it bounced into the trash can.

“Hey! I’m not your personal trash-bouncing trampoline, okay man?” I said.

“I know,” said Mr. Pearhead with a smirk.

There was a long pause.

“Can I go back to listening to Accelerate?” I asked.

“No! Get out! And take your silly CDs with you!” barked Mr. Pearhead.

I picked up my CDs and left.

“Whatever,” I said.

And I put on my headphones and started listening to my CDs again.

~~~

Throughout the day, people were congratulating me for getting chewed out by Mr. Pearhead and then doing exactly what he told me not to do.

“Hey, Mark’s rebelling again!” said a guy named Aidan.

Cue enthusiastic cheers from everyone in the hallway.

“???”

Anyway, when I got home, David asked me for the CD I was listening to at school because I think it’s his favorite one. So I gave it to him.

“Yay!” he said and immediately went to the sofa and fell asleep.

What is particularly peculiar about that specific CD is that it’s my loudest one, but it’s the one that most commonly puts David to sleep.

So I had to do something other than listen to CDs because there’s only one CD player. (Unless you count Mom’s giant player that plays the music externally instead of into headphones, and I don’t really want to annoy my parents by blasting loud music at them. And you have to plug it into the wall.)

I ate dinner and took a shower and went to sleep.

The next day, I took my own computer to school in addition to the school’s cheap Chromebook that takes longer to charge than it takes to die. I sat in the hallway and played my Bad Piggies game file.

“SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?” shouted Mr. Pearhead.

“I’m playing Bad Piggies,” I replied.

“Are you PLAYING a GAME on a PERSONAL DEVICE!?” yelled Mr. Pearhead.

“Well, what do you think I’m doing?” I asked in response.

“MY OFFICE! NOW!!!” screamed Mr. Pearhead.

Here we go again, I thought.

The end (of the story)

Bonus!

Things from real life

OK, so there are a lot of things I took from my real life and deposited here. They are:

• Me (obviously)
• David (also obviously)
• My CDs
• My Nana and Uncle
• My CD player and headphones
• The Bad Piggies game file
• And my green shoebox which holds my CDs

And a little easter egg is that the black rectangle with some white shapes on it that sits on top of my shoebox is actually my favorite CD. It is the deluxe CD release of Accelerate by R.E.M.