–by Gaven “Jonathan Swift” Li, world-class blogger and student of rhetoric in Ms. Clark’s AP English Language and Composition class. Be forewarned: this article contains heavy doses of Satire.

On December 2nd, 2015, a married couple walked into a banquet room in San Bernardino with guns and turned a holiday party into a massacre. Fourteen innocent people were killed in this terrorist attack. We have seen mass shootings like this happen again and again in America: Newtown, Connecticut; Roseburg, Oregon; and, now, San Bernardino, California. This must-solve problem has always been my concern. After years of watching the fascinating Democratic and Republican debates about gun control as well as doing research, I have come up with a perfect plan to deal with this controversial situation and to save the future of the United States of America.
Here’s my suggestion: In order to keep all safe, everyone in the United States must have at least one gun and there should be no gun restriction at all. Age limitation and license requirements should also be eliminated. No matter who you are, a two-year-old baby, or a ninety-year-old lady, you must own a gun. According to one of my friends, who is a huge gangster movie fan and dropped out of school in fourth grade, this is a dangerous world, or a dangerous country–you might get shot anytime, anywhere; therefore, we must have guns to prevent us from getting killed. “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.” This Second Amendment of the Constitution is my friend’s favorite quote. When the great Founding Fathers of America wrote the Constitution back in 1789, they must have predicted that weapons would be so powerful and destructive after two hundred and seven years. I’m sure they took into consideration automatic weapons. We live in a much more hostile society now. Although we don’t have any wild animals trying to attack us or any war with Indian tribes, we still need to be aware of, for example, crazy dogs running around on the street biting people or some scary cops carrying weapons on their belts. We need to be armed.
Furthermore, since it is so important to be armed, gun-shooting classes should be added to the United States education system. Children are the future of the country, and they need to learn everything about guns. Pistol assembling should be required for lower school kids to graduate, while 100-yard shooting is significantly necessary for high-school students to get into colleges. We have faith in our teenagers that they are all good citizens and won’t do anything to harm their neighbors or shoot anyone they don’t like.
Now, it’s time to return to my subject. I believe that my proposal will definitely bring a lot of benefits to this country.
Firstly, it would make America an extremely powerful country. Foreigners soon will realize that they can not mess with Americans any more, and foreigners will be scared to death to even step on this land. We no longer need to worry about too many immigrants coming here, which solves the other problem we are facing–immigration.
Secondly, guns protect the safety of Americans. Imagine walking on the street at night and there’s a creepy guy walking behind you; you can just pull out your gun and send him to Jesus. If you are not fast enough to kill him before he shoots you, it’s okay, at least you can die like a hero.
Thirdly, being armed makes everything much easier. There’s no need for police since everyone has weapons to solve his or her problems. Having a religious argument? Pull out your gun! Getting bullied at school? Pull out your gun! Somebody being racist? Pull out your gun! That’s also why gun-handling instruction in education is so important.
Fourthly, arming Americans will create more job opportunities. More bodyguards will be needed when rich CEOs or controversial politicians, Donald Trump for example, show up in public. They’ll need bodyguards to build a solid wall so they won’t get shot easily.
Fifthly, the crime rate is going to decrease after applying this new law. Criminals know that a small pistol can not scare anyone anymore, and they will just give up because it may be too hard for them to get more powerful weapons. American citizenship is so great that I believe they will not do anything with guns just for their own desire. Arm the good people of America with guns.
Sixthly, the sale of guns is good for the American economy. More factories will be built in order to make more guns, and more gun shops will be opened, too. Within a few years, the United States will be selling more guns than Russia!
This is my modest proposal about guns, and hopefully it works. If it doesn’t, well, I can still escape back to my motherland China before it’s too late.

 The AP Literature class of Palm Valley has recently finished reading a classic Shakespearean play–Othello. As the instructor of the class, Mr. Griffin shares with us this incisive essay written by our outstanding senior, Amber Zheng, in which she talks about the play’s main villain–Iago–as being a genius of manipulation.

–Edited by Ashley Zhou

In William Shakespeare’s Othello, Iago is the villain who plots the entire evil plan that ultimately causes the death of Emilia, Othello, Desdemona and Roderigo. Iago is a person who only cares about himself, is extremely confident about himself, and is good at using other people’s weaknesses.

Iago is a perfect example of a self-centered person. He does everything in order to gain himself advantages. This characteristic is shown in the beginning of the play when he says to Roderigo, “In following him [Othello], I follow but myself” (1.1.64). Iago follows Othello because he wants higher positions and more power, rather than to be a loyal officer of Othello. When he admits, “I am not what I am” (1.1.70), not only does he mean that he is not this seemingly good honest person that Othello believes him to be, but also that he is not the person who seems to care about others; he implies that what he truly cares about is only himself.

Iago’s self-centered trait is revealed more frequently as the play goes on. After Roderigo says that he wants to drown himself because Desdemona and Othello are married, Iago says, “I never found man that knew how to love himself” (1.3.355-356). From this sentence, we can see that Iago thinks every man around him doesn’t know how to treat himself properly, because they all care for others. In Iago’s view, Othello loves Desdemona to the point that he is willing to “renounce his baptism” (2.3.363) for her; Roderigo is ready to kill himself because of his ”loss” of Desdemona; and Cassio lets Desdemona’s beauty appear in his mind every day. From Iago’s perspective, all these behaviors are absurd, as men should only care about themselves, as he does.

That’s also why Iago says to Roderigo, “Ere . . . I would drown myself for the love of a guinea hen (he means Desdemona!), I would change my humanity with a baboon” (1.3.356-358). While Iago says this to manipulate Roderigo into following his bidding, his words actually express his true feelings: men who are willing to sacrifice themselves for others are stupid, and these people are indeed no better than baboons, certainly not supposedly smart human beings. As Iago tries to persuade Roderigo to abandon the suicide idea, he also tries to get himself as many benefits as possible by telling Roderigo to sell lands and get cash. When he succeeds, he reveals his motivation: “Thus do I ever make my fool my purse” (1.3.383). Again, Iago never does anything without the intention of getting himself advantages.

Being a self-centered person, Iago is also confident and good at using others’ weaknesses. Iago knows the difference between appearance and reality very well and establishes a plan based on his knowledge. He is confident about the success of his plan because “The Moor is of a free and open nature/ That thinks men honest that but seem to be so” (1.3.443-444). And, Desdemona is just as gullible, “framed as fruitful/ As the free elements” (2.3.361-362). Because he knows all the other characters so well, he is able to conduct his evil plan by exploiting their weaknesses. Also, because his perceptions are in fact correct, his confidence never disappoints him: everything always goes as he plans. When he says that he is a Satan – “When devils will the blackest sins put on,/ They do suggest at first with heavenly shows,/ As I do now” (2.3.371-373) – he shows his talent – indeed, his genius – for manipulating others.