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A Misportrayed Krab

September 5, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

By new-to-the-2018-19-birdonfire staff, Blogger Luke Langlois

 

What’s the first word you think of when presented with our favorite animated restaurant owner, Mr. Krabs? It could be something like red, shiny, or even pointy-nosed. Unfortunately, the most prominent description of Mr. Krabs is “cheap.” How often do people use the word “cheap” in a good light? If you’re in need of a bag of Doritos, and a friend won’t lend a dollar, you’d call that friend cheap. If someone gets genuinely excited by a penny on the floor, they’re cheap. If your employer sells your soul for sixty-two cents, they’re cheap. By all accounts, Eugene Krabs has shown himself to be the stereotypical cheapskate. Society would like you to think that being the dictionary definition of a cheapskate is NOT a good thing. Though, is Mr. Krabs truly a cheap crab at heart? Or, is he an overly generous employer? After a brief look at some numbers, the answer is pretty clear.

Let’s take a look at the typical fast-food employee of the United States and compare it to Mr. Krab’s employees. In the United States, someone in the fast food industry is paid about $18,000 a year. In most large cities, the median rent per month for an average apartment would be at least $1,000. Without covering taxes, or any other basic need, that would amount to $12,000 a year, a majority of the salary of an average employee. Clearly, the average fast food employee does not make even close to enough to live in a safe apartment in the city while covering any other basic needs or amenities. How miserable! Who could ever work in the fast-food industry and live a fulfilled life? Spongebob and Squidward could.

Now, we can take a look at Spongebob and Squidward, Mr. Krabs’s two most loyal employees of nearly twenty years. Both of these fast-food employees are clearly able to provide for themselves. They have sizable and safe households. Besides being the owners of safe and decently sized domiciles, Spongebob and Squidward live in the outskirts of a prime city under the ocean.  As far as us viewers know, there are no other major cities in existence in the Spongebob universe. Adding on to this, the most desirable homes in cities are usually the suburban ones, such as Spongebob’s pineapple or Squidward’s Easter Island Head. To sum it up, these employees live in safe and spacious homes in the prime of this aquatic metropolis. Not only that, but Spongebob and Squidward have been known to have more than just basic needs. Spongebob is well known for his expert caretaking as well as jellyfishing. Like Spongebob, Squidward is able to pursue his passions. He paints, plays the clarinet, and even takes dance lessons. These are all expensive pursuits, especially in a capitalist society! In comparison to our above-water society, Squidward and Spongebob are paid exceptionally well for their seemingly mundane jobs in the fast-food industry.

Does the point not drive itself home? Mr. Krabs, mistakenly portrayed as a cheap and horrible crab to work for, is in fact one of the most generous people you could EVER work for. If you hear anyone call Mr. Krabs cheap, sit them down and make sure their minds are forever changed.

 

DISCLAIMER: While Mr. Krabs pays generously and allows his two employees to live a good life, he has made a few mistakes. Luke does not personally support the following: thievery, counterfeiting, 24/7 labor, selling the souls of employees, assault of employees, jellyfish slavery, grave robbery, attempted murder, or charging people for breathing.

 

Editor: Bella Bier

Filed Under: Culture, Fiction, Humor, Media, The World Tagged With: Luke Langlois, Mr. Krabs, Spongebob

A Madman

August 30, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

thebirdonfire.org returns to hosting student poetry, fiction, essays, op-ed pieces, graphic art, events, and various schoolyard shenanigans. We launch the new school year with a poem from blog staffer and poet, sophomore Leo Milmet.

 

By Leo Milmet

 

I wrote like a madman, hiding in the laundry room.

I ended the note with a smiley face.

Then, out of the house, and

Into the fire.

Note in pocket,

I walked him home from school.

“I love you. See you tomorrow.”

He hugged me to death, as if he knew….

I walked home, got the rope, and went into the garage.

The door opened and closed.

ERR ERRR ERRR ERRR

Then silence.

I took a drink. I tied the rope. And died.

They found me peaceful, relaxed, quiet, a

Smile on my face, just like in the note.

 

Editor: Bella Bier

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: Leo Milmet

We’re Back, Ya Blog-Following Crazy People!

August 30, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 4 Comments

By Leo Milmet

 

What’s poppin’, guys? We’re back with some cool newbies.

 

thebirdonfire.org Blog Staff this semester includes:

 

Makena Behnke

Bella Bier

Jeremy Cheng

Holden Hartle

Luke Langlois

Leo Milmet

AJ Patencio

 

Ms. Zachik, Advisor

 

Now get on with your life until we have something else to say.

 

Editor: Bella Bier

Filed Under: Set Up and Welcome Tagged With: Leo Milmet, welcome

Goodbye until next year!

June 7, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

Hey, everyone! I just want to take a moment to thank everyone for sticking with us since the revival of our blog, The Bird on Fire, last September. It has been a really fun ride with everyone both in the blog class and our readers. This year you’ve seen posts from Blog Class members Claire, Renée, Peter, Makena, Shelby, Leo, Charles, AJ, Bella, and myself, Brennan. You’ve also seen posts from guest bloggers Holden Hartle, Jackson Dean, Daniel Romo, and Luke Langlois. Finally, you’ve seen posts from Harlow Berny and several anonymous bloggers. All of these people have contributed towards making the Blog what it is today. But, none of this would have been possible without Supreme Overlord Zachik. She has done more than what I can list here. I am speaking for the entire Blog Class when I say to her, “THANK YOU!!!”.

 

Now, we are at a point where our blog is going to be relatively inactive until the next school year and our constant stream of posts is going to be on pause. I would like to take this moment as our last post this year to say goodbye to both our readers and to our one senior, Peter. Peter has been with us the entire year to help with our shenanigans and now he goes on to live life in the big, wide world in college. Peter Nicholaus Kadel will be missed.

 

We will be excited to return in September, and you better believe that we will come back stronger than ever. Goodbye, until next year!

 

From, Brennan

Filed Under: School Events, Set Up and Welcome Tagged With: Brennan, Goodbye until next year!

Quotable Quotes from FAST AND FURIOUS

June 6, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Claire Jenkins

The Fast and Furious franchise is known for many excellent one liners. Below are a few of my favorites:

 

  1. “I don’t have friends. I have family.” – Dom Toretto (Furious 7) A great motto, close friends are like family.
  2. “I live my life a quarter mile at a time.” – Dom Toretto (Furious 1) Live FAST! die YOUNG!
  3. “Ask any racer, any real racer. It don’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning is winning.” – Dom Toretto (Furious 1) The competitor in me loves this quote. Winning is indeed winning.
  4. “The most important thing in life will always be the people in this room. Right here, right now.” – Dom Toretto (Furious 5) The idea of living in the present is a great idea. Wish I could relate.
  5. “Life’s simple. You make choices and you don’t look back.” – Han Lue (Furious 3) Life really is simple if you think about it. I agree.
  6. “Hey, we do what we do best. We improvise, all right?” – Brian O´Conner (Furious 6) Who needs a plan anyways? It’s fine.
  7. “Why don’t you just pack it up before I leave treadmarks on your face.” – Letty (Furious 1) Letty is my soulmate, that’s it.
  8. “You might want to keep your eyes on the road, playboy.” – Monica Fuentes (Furious 2) Just a solid quote. Eyes on the road, kids.
  9. “Who you choose to be around lets you know who you are.” – Han Lue (Furious 3) Your friends say a lot about you as a person. Keep the good ones around.
  10. “You’re loyal to a fault. Your code is about family and that’s great in the holidays, but it makes you predictable. And in our line of work, predictable means vulnerable.” – Owen Shaw (Furious 6) It’s nice to be loyal, but it can also get you into trouble.
  11. “Where you go I go, where you ride I ride, where you die I die.” – Letty (Furious 6) AWW. Dom and Letty are the bestestest couple. Through explosions, memory loss, car crashes, and lost love, Dom and Letty stick together.
  12. “Nobody makes me do anything I don’t want to do.” – Letty (Furious 6) Again, Letty is THE best.

Quotes from:

https://www.drivingline.com/articles/top-10-most-quotable-one-liners-from-fast-and-furious/

https://geeks.media/30-of-the-best-quotes-from-the-fast-and-the-furious-film-franchise-so-far

 

Editor: Peter Kadel

*Also, these are Peter’s favorite movies.

Filed Under: Advice, Culture, Media, Review Tagged With: Claire Jenkins, Quotable Quotes from Fast and Furious

Tesla–Sustainable Living At Its Finest

June 6, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Shelby Armor

When we think about Tesla, Inc., we think about their cars. And, yes, their cars are 100% electric, and have no engine whatsoever. As of April 2018, Tesla has saved 3,330,166.37 tons of CO2 emission through their vehicles alone, and the number goes up every minute. But, Tesla does so much more. While their cars are groundbreaking, they also do a lot of things that help home life, and help to create a greener environment and promote sustainable living.

In addition to having 100% electric cars, they also produce solar panels, “Powerwalls,” and solar roofs. Their solar panels have a sleek design and seamless integration into the roof. The way they operate is by connecting to the “Powerwall,” which is another creation by Tesla. The Powerwall is a 100% self-powered battery that meets all energy needs of a house on any given day. When there is a power outage, the Powerwall can sustain the house for 7+ days on the energy it has created alone. It functions by taking the solar energy that the solar panels produce during the day and storing it. They also have a Tesla app, where you can track the power that is being used and how much you still have in your home. As Tesla is big on getting a sleek look, they also created a “Solar Roof,” which essentially acts as a solar panel and blending in seamlessly to your house. The solar roof connects directly to the Powerwall to power your home. Tesla grants a lifetime warranty on the solar roof itself, which goes through the subsidiary company Solar City.  

Tesla has been helping the world as well, not just the home. The Powerwall, announced in the April of 2015, and since then has been used extensively in home life and also in community service projects. Elon Musk, the creator of Tesla, actually brought 700 Powerwalls to Puerto Rico, to the “Hospital del Niño” after the hurricane to help bring care to patients who needed them. For the actual Tesla cars, they do not use one big battery, but instead use thousands of small, cylindrical, lithium-ion commodity cells, like those found in everyday electronics. They put the batteries under the floor of the vehicle. Because of this, there is more space in the trunk and interior. An example of this is that the Tesla has a “Frunk,” or a trunk in the front. If you go to the hood and open it, there will be extra space to store things, since there is no engine there.

Tesla also created something called a “supercharger.” The supercharger is a free electric charger made by Tesla that exists all over the world for Tesla owners to charge their cars. There are 7,320 superchargers globally, and they provide up to 120 kW of power, meaning it would take around 75 minutes to get a full charge. I have been a fan of Tesla since I first heard of it a few years ago. I don’t think that people realize how much Tesla does besides their cars, and I hope this sheds some light on all of the work that Tesla is doing for a green future.

 

Editor: Renée Vazquez

Filed Under: Culture, Review, Technology, The World Tagged With: Shelby Armor, Tesla--Sustainable Living At Its Finest

The Story, Production, and Genius of “Arrested Development”

June 6, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

By Charles Schnell

Arrested Development is my favorite sitcom. With the release of the first half of season five on Netflix on May 29, I thought I would write a post explaining why.

To put it in the show’s own words, Arrested Development is “the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.” Enter the Bluths: a wealthy family who owns a real estate development firm named the Bluth Company. Not only are they a very wealthy family but they’re also an extremely dysfunctional family. After the CEO of the company, George Bluth Sr., runs into legal trouble, the family starts falling apart, and it’s all up to one of his four children, Michael Bluth–the “one son”–, to keep them from plunging completely off the deep end, all the while trying to keep the company afloat. So, why does keeping his family together pose a challenge for Michael? Well, once you see his family, you can understand why. His family includes a lying, lazy, selfish, indecisive twin sister whose favorite hobby is to crack open the company checkbook; an arrogant, foolish, self-centered older brother trapped within his hopeless dream of being a magician; a gullible, post-hemispherectomy younger brother who’s overly attached to his mother; and an oblivious, neurotic, ex-therapist of a brother-in-law who’s chasing his dreams of acting. These four are just a fraction of his family. And what happens when you place this dysfunctional family right in the heart of a highly satirized Newport Beach? Chaos, crime, romance, loss-of-limbs, death, and hilarity!

Arrested Development was created by Mitchell Hurwitz. The show originally began in 2003, airing on Fox. Upon the completion of its first season, the show was met with critical praise, winning six Primetime Emmys and a Golden Globe. However, due to poor marketing, the show received poor ratings. Thus, in 2005, its second season was cut from a planned twenty-two episode run to eighteen episodes, with which it was still able to garner eleven Emmy nominations and one win. A similar but more unfortunate event occurred in 2006 with its third season: twenty-two episodes became thirteen, and the show was ultimately cancelled by Fox.

Fortunately, in 2013, Netflix, who had nabbed the rights to the show, released a fourth season. Many aspects were different about this fourth season. For instance, while all the main actors were able to come back, many crew members, writers, and producers did not return. Another thing is that almost all the actors had reached new heights of fame since the original series. Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, Michael Cera, and David Cross are all Arrested Development actors that have been in multiple movies and TV shows and have become more popular since the end of the third season. Because of this, Hurwitz and the rest of the creative team had trouble working around the actors’ schedules, especially without a film budget. Thus, the fourth season had to undergo a different writing and presentation style than the original three seasons. The original series was full of scenes of the characters being together, and what made the original so great was how cleverly the writers had the characters interact with each other. The fourth season had to go a different route, since the actors’ schedules were very limiting. Thus, while there are some scenes of the Bluths together, the majority of the fourth season was written with each episode being dedicated to one of the main characters’ individual adventures. The writers decided to turn this handicap into an advantage, as they used this to structure the plot of season four in a very complex way. Season four was not ordered chronologically upon release. Because of this, the writers ended up turning season four into an intertwining, complex, out-of-order story. This fourth season eventually unfolds into a mystery storyline. And this led to the controversy of season four. Some argue that much of the charm and wit of the original series was lost, as one of the reasons the original show was so great was because of how the characters played off of each other. Others praised season four, claiming that the complex plot of season four that gradually turns into a mystery made the show much more engaging and much more than “just a comedy.” While I would agree that the show is way more than “just a comedy” even if the fourth season never happened, I really like season four. The writing is extremely clever and well thought out. I think that about the original three seasons too, but the difference is that the first three seasons are clever in a comedic sense, while the fourth season is clever more so in its plot and storytelling, while still being funny.

After five years of little news regarding a fifth season, we recently received great news. About a month ago, Mitchell Hurwitz announced that not only was season five going to be released very soon, but that he had made the Season Four Remix: a recut of season four that not only put the fourth season back into chronological order, but cut and reordered all the scenes as well, putting the season into episodes that each contained multiple characters’ stories per episode. This recut, that turned the original fifteen thirty-minute episodes of season four into a new twenty-two-episode season with each episode being twenty-two minutes, has been positively received and generally recognized as better than the original fourth season. Some have even claimed it is just as good if not better than the original series. All the complaints of a convoluted plot and character-overdose per episode are taken care of in the recut. While I agree the recut is way funnier than the original season four, I still appreciate the original for taking its production circumstances and trying to do something bold with them. Plus, the writing in the original season four is still really organized and well-thought out. (Thankfully, both season four’s are available on Netflix. The original has been tucked away in the “Trailers and More” section).

Okay, enough with season four. I want to get to why I love this show. On May 29, the first half of season five launched on Netflix. Season five continues the mystery cliffhanger left by season four. But remember, it’s still a comedy first and foremost.

The writing is extremely clever, silly, intertwining, connected, organized, and hilarious. From funny one-liners to ridiculous physical mishaps, the script of almost every episode is non-stop laughter. Every line is delivered with the exact delivery it calls for. The actors all have great chemistry with one another and, also thanks to the brilliant scripts, can play off each other well. The pacing is very rapid and works beautifully; the only problem is sometimes your laugh from one punchline will extend over another punchline. Not only are the actors’ deliveries spotless, but their facial expressions and body language are always on point, sometimes even garnering more of a laugh than the line does. The soundtrack, while not the highlight of the show, is fitting and is subtly funny in its own way. Some of the tracks become their own on-running gags. Speaking of which, I hope you like on-running gags and inside jokes because this show is chock full of them and will never hesitate to use them time and time again, even when you least expect it. Another thing I will say about the writing is while Arrested Development is first and foremost a comedy, the storyline is not horrible. Unlike numerous sitcoms, a continuous storyline actually exists and has its own little surprises, twists, and turns. And, because of the continuous storyline, this is not a sitcom where you can jump around. In order to fully understand what’s going on in an episode and all the jokes an episode might have, you must have seen all the episodes prior to that episode respectively. The storytelling becomes much more of a focus with the Netflix seasons than the original series, which provides the story as a backdrop for all the crazy comedic scenarios that occur, as well as a relief from the otherwise non-stop one-liners and on-running gags. Finally, Ron Howard is the narrator. In the first season, he more or less acts as a normal omniscient narrator. However, as the show continues, Howard starts saying more and more witty one-liners and clever, comedic quips, and he gradually becomes one of the comedic highlights of the show.

Arrested Development is a hilarious, ridiculous, absolutely crazy comedy that also knows how to tell a compelling story. This show never fails to make me laugh, and with the release of the fifth season and the upcoming summer break, I hope you will give this show a chance. For those of you who already like this show, aren’t we glad that Netflix is keeping this show alive? And for those who do not like this show… we’ll agree to disagree.

 

Editors: Renée Vazquez and Leo Milmet

Filed Under: Advice, Culture, Fiction, Media, Op-Ed, Performances, Review, Visual Arts Tagged With: and Genius of "Arrested Development", Charles Schnell, Production, The Story

Stranger Than Fiction

June 4, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Reddit Investigator Brennan Nick

Most people know what The Onion is. It is a “news” source that posts hilariously fictional articles on ridiculous subjects. However, you do not need to look to fiction to laugh at stories that may seem as if they’re fake. Below are some ecstatically funny headlines that were found in actual news sources:

 

1. “Restaurant arms diners with squirt guns to ward off… seagulls”

Source: The Takeout

2. “Farmer accused of shooting murder blames gunfire on eggplant”

Source: 9news

3. “Scientists plan DNA hunt for Loch Ness monster next month”

Source: Reuters

4. “Man rescued from Taliban didn’t believe Donald Trump was President”

Source: Newsweek

5. “Uber’s search for a female CEO has been narrowed down to 3 men”

Source: The Denver Post

6. “Passenger turned away from two flights after wearing 10 layers of clothing to avoid luggage fee”

Source: The Telegraph

7. “UPS loses Family’s $846K Inheritance, Offers to Refund $32 Shipping Fee”

Source: Newsweek

8. “Justin Bieber banned from China in order to ‘purify’ nation”

Source: The Telegraph

9. “NPR tweets the Declaration of Independence, and people freak out about a ‘revolution’”

Source: The Kansas City Star

10. “Man who mowed lawn with tornado behind him says he ‘was keeping an eye on it.’”

Source: Times Colonist

11. “Ferry McFerryface to be name of new Sydney ferry after public vote”

Source: ABC News

12. “Alt-Right White Supremacists Claim Papa John’s as Official Pizza”

Source: Newsweek

13. “White supremacists taking DNA tests sad to discover they’re not 100% white”

Source: Global News

14. “Palestinian judge bans divorce during Ramadan because ‘people make hasty decisions when they’re hungry’”

Source: Independent

15. “After 4th DWI, man argues legal limit discriminates against alcoholics”

Source: Statesman

16. “Argentinian officers fired after claiming mice ate half a ton of missing marijuana”

Source: The Guardian

17. “‘Nobody kill anybody’: Murder-free weekend urged in Baltimore”

Source: The Baltimore Sun

18. “Texas judge interrupts jury, says God told him defendant is not guilty”

Source: Statesman

19. “Saudi Arabia accidentally prints textbook showing Yoda sitting next to the king”

Source: The Telegraph

20. “‘Japan’s slowest roller coaster’” derails, passengers don’t notice”

Source: Sora News 24

 

Editor: AJ Patencio

Filed Under: Culture, Current News, Media, Satire, The World, Uncategorized Tagged With: Brennan Nick, Stranger Than Fiction

some movies that i love and you might not but i don’t care because i love them with all my heart

June 1, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

By Makena Behnke

 

some movies i like suck; some rule. it’s all a matter of opinion, okay? it’s summer, so instead of going outside and getting a tan, stay inside your little cave of a room and watch movies (most of these are on Netflix by the way). so, here we go.

  • The Craft. four girls experiment in the world of witchcraft. can they handle it, or do they go power mad? plus it has Skeet Ulrich soooo, yes.
  • Almost Famous. a 15-year-old kid goes on tour with a band in the 70s. as far as i know, this is the most realistic movie about band life on tour. also, a true story. love, peace, and joy, man.
  • 10 Things I Hate About You. despite what Leo says, it’s great. Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger? yes! also, a modern interpretation of a Shakespeare play? yes! also, set in the 90s? yes! overall, yes.
  • Hush. the horrorest of horror. not really, but it’s still good. It involves a deaf girl who lives in the middle of the forest and a murderer. the girl’s cat’s name is my favorite thing; i’m not allowed to mention it on the blog, but trust me, it’s good.
  • Peter Pan–the 2003 one specifically. the very story of Peter Pan just makes me so happy, but the actors and the way it’s executed makes me love it more.
  • Scream. so darn good. a classic. it has Matthew Lillard, Skeet Ulrich, Neve Campbell and Courteney Cox–my favorite 90s actors. truly one of my favorite movies ever.
  • Bring It On and Bring It On: All or Nothing. i was obsessed with this for a long period of time. i probably still can remember most of the cheers (and probably most of the script), but don’t ask me to cheer; i won’t.
  • 13 Going on 30. a movie everyone should watch. although a little chick-flicky, it’s great. can a magical birthday present fast forward through seventeen years? 
  • Kong: Skull Island. i haven’t seen any other giant monkey movies, but this was on the plane, and i couldn’t sleep on the plane. so far, i’m a fan of giant monkey movies. my last two eight-hour plane rides were good movie days.

 

Warning: some movies are Rated R, so beware.

Editor: Claire Jenkins

Filed Under: Advice, Culture, Horror, Media, Op-Ed, Poetry, Review, The World, Visual Arts Tagged With: Makena Behnke, some movies that i love and you might not but i don’t care because i love them with all my heart

Ideas

June 1, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

By Peter

 

Ideas.

They just swim

and swarm

as they spin

in my head packed

with too many thoughts,

bouncing and banging

off of each other,

and the walls.

Wall to wall,

moving so quickly

I risk being left behind.

They say,

“Use your head and catch up,”

but my head is leaving me behind.

I can’t keep up.

I can’t catch up.

I can’t get up.

All I can do is

stay up late.

Past eight.

Past nine.

Past ten.

Past eleven.

Surpassing 12.

Summiting 1.

Like starting over.

Looking back

as the night moves forward,

trying to start over.

I was too shy

that time at school;

I was too open

that other time at school;

I was loud

almost all the time.

But,

I only said the right things

one time.

If at all.

Should have listened

to Polonius,

but instead,

I gave voice to every idea.

Every fish,

churning,

waiting

to be heard.

 

Editor: Bella Bier

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: Ideas, Peter, Peter did it.

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About

We are the Palm Valley Firebirds of Rancho Mirage, California. Join us in our endeavors. Venture through the school year with us, perusing the artwork of our students, community, and staff. Our goal is to share the poems, stories, drawings and photographs, essays and parodies that come out of our school. Welcome aboard!