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Dear Marley

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Meet Marley. You may have seen Marley dropping off and picking up her human Jess in front of the Upper School. Marley leans authoritatively out the passenger-side window sporting a red or pink sweater. Marley, we’ve come to learn, knows much about the world. And, since it is a confusing world out there, we are fortunate Marley has agreed to share her sage advice here at The Bird on Fire. 

Hello everyone! It’s me, Marley–your favorite chihuahua. I am very popular and looked up to, so I thought I’d answer some questions from my fans. 

Why does your head look so weird? — Luke Sonderman

Hi, Luke, thank you for your question! I have a very large brain which takes up a lot of space. Also,  unfortunately, I cannot control how I look. #bekind #bigbrains 

Marley, do we have a connection? — Ms. Zachik

Hi, Ms Zachik, of course we do! I love that you got so excited to see me. It made my day. I’d love to meet you in person sometime.

Do you ever get bored of eating the same thing every day? — Louisa Richardson

Actually, I have a well varied diet. I usually begin my morning with some bacon and whipped cream. For lunch, I’ll have some turkey mince, and for dinner I’ll have chicken. About once a month, I’m  treated to  filet mignon.

What is a wise piece of wisdom you can share? – Maya Karpaty 

Always be yourself, even if people make fun of your head shape.

Between you and me, is Jess actually your bestie? How’s our relationship? – Enzo Lomsky

Enzo, you are my true number one bestie. I love you more than I love Jess! Let’s hang soon.

Have you ever thought of running away? — Zachary Kazmouz

Yes, everyday actually. I want to live with my best friend Enzo.

How are you doing? – Simee Patel 

I’m really good, thank you! I love answering questions from my friends:) How are you?

What is your favorite thing to do during the day? – Ms. Perea, US Administrative Assistant

I love to annoy my dad when he’s on work calls and sleep in the sun.

How big do you think you are? — Audrey Guess

Such a great question, Audrey! I’m proud to say I weigh 22.5 pounds.* That is a fact. 

Have you had any past lives? – Ike Spry

Yes, I was a cat in my past life. #meow. Jess said she wishes I was still a cat.

What is your favorite part of living with Jess? – Mirabelle Lee

Jess is so cool and funny. I love living with her because of that!

What is your favorite toy? — Anais Lee

LAMBY!

Who is your favorite family member? — James Billimore

Obviously, it’s Jess.

Thank you for reading. Tweet me with more questions or add them to the comments here @ thebirdonfire.org. #lovemyfans

*Marley weighs in at 4 lbs.

Learning to Live with a Cat

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Cats and dogs–not always the same, in fact, rarely the same. Alyna learns about cat life when Bao moves in.

By Alyna Rei

Throughout my 16 years of  life, I have had four dogs, one bunny, and a variety of fish. I always thought I was a dog person rather than a cat person. I thought dogs were way cuter and friendlier. From age 10-14, I had two golden retrievers named Lucy and Ethal. Unfortunately, my family and I were too busy to take care of the dogs, so we gave them to a cousin of mine. Through the years, as I became more responsible, I asked to bring Lucy and Ethal back. Unfortunately, we couldn’t bring them back because they were already comfortable with my cousins, so my family left the topic of pets alone. Just this past November, however, my family decided to look for a pet again. We wanted a pet that wasn’t too challenging to take care of. We decided to adopt Bao, a cat.

This is Bao–Alyna’s first ever cat.

November 25, 2022

It was my dad’s birthday when we got Bao. We were so excited to take her home that we already had the things that we needed–such as her collar, bed, food, litter box, etc.. We met Bao back in October. It was after school, and my dad found someone on Craigslist who was selling kittens. Bao actually had a black-and-white sister. We were planning on taking both since getting two pets is smarter than one so that the two can bond and keep each other busy. In the end, though, we just decided on Bao since she liked me when we met (and she was cuter). We couldn’t adopt Bao right away. Bao had to stay with her mother until she was at least two months old.

Why the name Bao

My parents and I discussed a lot of cat names. There were three original prospective names: Chai, Rue, and Sipon (See-Pawn). My mom wanted to name Bao Sipon, but I was skeptical since Sipon translates to “snot” in Tagalog (my mom thought it was funny). But, then, I came up with the name Bao. The name makes me think of a dumpling or a pouch, and that was what Bao resembled when I first met her. She was small like a pouch.

Life with Bao

At first, it was easy to take care of Bao while she was still getting used to us. Now, she is six months old, and, it turns out, she can be a chore. There are times when Bao is really calm and sleeps most of the day and night. But, then, she turns really hyper, and I mean really hyper. She runs around the house as if someone is chasing her. It may seem like it’s not a big deal, but, when she runs around the house, she can bump into things. She can knock down anything: pillows, water bottles, toilet paper rolls, or anything dangling.

However, in truth, it is actually a lot easier to take care of a cat than a dog. You don’t have to walk a cat; they clean themselves; and they are litter-box trained (at least Bao was when we got her). 

Fun facts about Bao

  • Bao is a polydactyl cat. She has six toes in the front and five in the back. Apparently polydactyl cats are lucky and rare (halifaxvethospital.com).
  • She enjoys sunlight a lot and likes to nap near the sun in her cat tree. She sunbathes at least an hour a day.
  • Speaking of sun, she likes to watch the day out a window or an open door.
  • The name Bao means something precious/rare. Which is perfect, since her paws are rare.
This is Bao in Vegas. She likes to look out any window.

Helpful and Handy Pet Hacks

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When’s a good time to walk your dog? How can you tell when your dog is under the weather? How do you slip out of the house when your dog has separation anxiety? Ask Louisa.

By Professional Dog Walker Louisa Richardson

I have been walking and sitting for dogs since I was eleven years old.  Throughout the years I have picked up knowledge from the puppies and dogs I have walked, as well as the (usually) kind owners. Some things I learned along the way myself. 

My business is open in the late summer and winter so I can avoid the intense heat of summer and the many vacations of my clients. The summer is the absolute worst time of the year here for walking.  However, you can prevent your pets from feeling the same way!  One of the easiest things to do in order to keep your pup cool and comfortable is to place their bed on an elevated surface. This would mean placing your puppy’s bed on a small table or a footstool. The elevation helps air circulate around your sleeping dog. During the day, it is great to have a wet towel for them to relax on. Just lay it out on the floor. Don’t forget that you should not walk your dog when it is above 77 degrees (which can be 125 degrees Fahrenheit on the pavement) (figopetinsurance.com). This heat alone can burn someone’s skin right off; you can only imagine how the pups feel! Fun fact, dogs do not sweat; they pant to keep cool, so if it seems that your pet is hyperventilating, try one of these handy hot-weather hacks! 

Just like us, dogs get sick, and the last thing you want when you get sick are people talking in your space. One of the most obvious ways to help this problem is to simply put your pet in a quiet room. In my experience, a good way to keep your pup from getting sick in the first place is to keep their head out of water. This situation can occur when dogs go swimming, are getting bathed, or getting hosed off. If your dog likes swimming or getting wet, this may prove difficult but do the best you can to keep heads out of water. You’re probably wondering why you should do this in the first place; the answer is to prevent ear infections. Ear infections are very common with dogs, and those ear infections can get worse and make the dog sick if left untreated. How do you know if your dog is sick at all? Well, their nose is a very big tell in this game; if the nose is dry, then your pup is likely under the weather.  

Does your dog get anxious when you leave? Every dog is different, but you might try leaving something that smells like you with your puppy–maybe a bathrobe, a scarf, not your shoes (if you like your shoes). You can try freezing a washcloth, then it becomes a nice cooling chew toy that will keep your dog busy while you slip away.

So try these helpful tips to give your dog as much comfort as they bring you!

Louisa not only cares lovingly and professionally for our animal friends, she writes about them poetically.

A forever friend

With you to the very end

They’ll curl up and sit right next to you

They even love your friends too

All they need is love, food, and sleep

After that they rarely make a peep

They will always be there when you’re sad

I’ve never even seen a pet get mad

But, be warned of your giant frown

When you have to put them down.

Louisa Richardson

The Escape Artist Hamster

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By Junior Levi Kassinove

Meet Potter, formerly of the Kassinove household. Below is his story of escape as told by Potter himself.

Note: This story is loosely based on real events in my life. All methods of escape were really executed by my hamster 10 years ago. 

1200 Hours

Although I do not know my birth name, the name given to me by the curly-haired human is Potter. For posterity, I am currently typing this via a nanoscale jerry-rigged Raspberry Pi that I smuggled inside of my cheeks on my way out of PetSmart, along with a tiny monitor and keyboard, of course. Either my cheeks are THAT big, or I’ve essentially made a quantum computer, hehe. Anyway, I need to get out of here. This cage is insulting…to my intelligence. I used the human to get out of PetSmart, which was the first step in my plan to gain total freedom. Now, I just need to escape this hippo’s house. Man, I feel like Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk. In other words, me small: curly-haired human big like whale. I’ll be right back; Fee Fi Foh Fum is coming. 

Update 1: 1220 Hours 

Eughgh, what does he think I am? A stress ball? Oh, I didn’t mean to write that. I have to find a way to turn off speech to text, or maybe I should just stop talking to myself. Whatever, it helps me keep my head clear. I’m going to need a clear head if I want to escape this godforsaken place. My cage has about the same area as a 2×1 square if measured in bananas. The dogs are always barking at the wind, and the house smells…unnatural. I want to know what the Earth smells like, and how it feels to walk on its dirt. I will wait until nightfall to execute my escape plan. This cage doesn’t even have a lock; it’s just a door on the roof. I bet I can pop it open with brute force… 

Update 2: 2300 Hours

Unfortunately, eyesight is not one of my redeeming qualities. After wandering aimlessly around the house for a while, I started to worry that I may eventually bump into one of the dogs. So, I am currently hiding camping out in a closet for the night. I did memorize the location of several windows, however, and so I will make my great escape tomorrow night. I had also planned for this eventuality. Before I left, I stored some bedding in my cheeks to sleep on. 

Update 3: 0100 Hours (Next Day)

They found me. Those porpoises laughed at me for 5 whole minutes before returning me to my cage. This time, they taped the roof shut. Luckily there’s a circular backdoor used to attach those spine-deforming overpriced tubes to “keep us entertained.” All I have to do is twist off the cap…

Update 4: 0500 Hours

At this time of day, the house is somewhat illuminated, but the giant sloths are still asleep. It should be the perfect time to escape; however, cheekiness has taken over me. On my way out, I was struck by a conviction. I should scare the humans as a parting gift. And so, that is how I ended up spending the better part of an hour resting on top of the curly-haired human’s brother’s head. I am currently waiting for him to wake up. Muahahahhaha

Update 5: 1300 Hours

Although my back may be bruised after being flung against a wall, hearing the screams of the blonde gorilla was totally worth it. But, now, I am in a bit of a pickle. Instead of buying me a new cage with a lock, which I could easily escape from, those penny-pinchers just taped the backdoor shut. I am left with no choice but to use my ultimate weapon…

Update 6: Who cares about human time? I’m free!

I don’t know the point of labeling tape “biodegradable” if it can’t be safely eaten by a hamster. I feel like I poisoned myself. No matter, I can finally see the moon. And soon, I will see the sun. But…this place…it’s suburban. I still have a long way to go before I can find a decent forest or mountain or whatever my natural habitat is. Until then, this is Potter signing off. 

This may or may not be the last known photo of Potter (https://petcareeducation.com/black-bear-hamsters/).

Stop Taking Your Pets Everywhere!

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By Indy Behr (who, it should be noted, thinks his cats are cool–but not transportable)

The Blog Staff opted to take a deep dive into Pets. While several of our bloggers write with great affection and sentimentality about pets, Indy has a . . . pet-peeve. He doesn’t want to see your pets in public.

Over the last few years, I have observed an incredibly frustrating trend. 

People have started to feel comfortable bringing their pets everywhere, especially dogs. I genuinely cannot walk down the aisle of a grocery store without walking next to a mini poodle. I once witnessed a small dog defecate in the aisle of a Gelson’s. I have never been all that much of a dog person, but, if I encounter a dog in my neighborhood, I will absolutely tolerate it. However, now people can take their pets on AIRPLANES without cages for “emotional support.”

I would firstly like to make a very clear distinction: service animals for those with visual impairments and/or other physical disabilities are entirely necessary, and I will never have any issue with them being wherever they need to be. Service dogs are considered something that most places are rightfully required to allow by the Americans with Disabilities Act. However, ada.gov publicly states that “emotional support dogs” are not service animals, period. Service dogs are required to be trained. With training, they don’t bother others or lick them at random. I know there are some people reading this who are going to think how insensitive I am, but I am not the only one saying this. I am sure for many people your flight or trip to the grocery store will be more fun with your dog, but that does not make bringing Fido along a medical necessity. 

When airlines let untrained dogs sit out in the open on planes, it can be downright dangerous. One man needed twenty-eight stitches after an emotional support Labrador attacked him on a Delta flight from Atlanta to San Diego. And, now, there’s a get-around even for airlines that require documentation stating pets are necessary. Many websites will let you pay and get a “certificate” that makes your pet an emotional support pet. This can include pigs. This can include, somehow, horses. You can say that you have panic attacks without your duck on planes, and, bam, you are able to fly across the country holding a bird in your hands that can poop and quack whenever it wants.

The whole idea of emotional support animals being helpful in almost any case has nearly no scientific evidence. The Journal of Applied Developmental Science has said the only research on this issue is much too early to reach any conclusion (washingtonpost.com). Previous studies often had other issues–like not controlling other causes for increased or decreased stress in the presence of animals. I don’t think that we should be letting emotional support animals everywhere until we know they actually work.

If you are reading this and thinking, “But I know my dog makes me happy!”–I am not doubting that this is the case, but if there is still no actual evidence that your dog does things like lower anxiety in the long term, I do not think it is worth it to allow your untrained dog into all public areas. If you are considering paying someone online to say that your animal is for emotional support just because you want to take them out in public, please do not.

I Saved A Turtle

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By Junior Luke Sonderman

By the title you may think I’m one of those paper straws, anti-plastic, and save-the-turtles-shirt type of guy. You’re 100% wrong. I don’t do anything small. I go big. Instead of picking up trash on the beach and posting those little save-the-turtle squares on Instagram, I did the real thing and I saved an actual turtle. You may be wondering what I mean by “I saved a turtle.“

It all started at the Tamale Festival in November. I did my usual thing… eat tamales and drink horchata, but as I wandered the fair grounds I noticed a small easy-up with those little plastic aquariums. What I saw inside the aquariums was absolutely mind boggling. THEY WERE GIVING AWAY TURTLES TO CHILDREN WHO WON THE CARNIVAL GAME. I had to get one of the turtles and save him from the wrath of young children with little dirty fingers. 

It’s Demetry–Luke’s turtle.

My turtle’s name is Demetrious or Demetry. Whatever you prefer. He is a Red-Eared Slider who is around 2.5 inches long. Most people think that owning a turtle is a high maintenance job, but it is actually pretty easy.

Every day, I like to start my morning by getting up and turning on Demetry’s UV light. This is his source of sunlight and vitamin D. This usually wakes him up in the morning. One important thing you have to put in sub-aquatic turtle tanks is a basking platform. This can be any dry platform above the water with sunlight pointed at it. This is where they dry off and absorb sunlight. This is also where I feed my turtle Demetry. My basking platform is a floating styrofoam rock structure. 

When it comes to feeding my turtle, I used to like to put his turtle pellets on the basking platform. Demetry, smart little fellow, kept knocking the pellets in the water. The reason–turtles only eat underwater. I also learned turtles mostly poop while they’re eating. So as a shortcut to cleanliness, I feed Demetry in a plastic container full of water. When he’s done eating, I put him back in the untainted tank and clean the soiled container.

The one pain that comes with having a turtle is replacing the water and cleaning the tank. I replace half of the water in his tank every two weeks or sooner depending on how musty the tank looks. Once the rocks at the bottom of the tank collect enough sludge and grime, I empty the whole tank and clean off the rocks in the tank. It is important to keep the water clean, and there are chemicals I put in the water weekly that reduce the amount of sludge, grime, and murkiness in the water. I also clean off Demetry when I replace the water because his shell will get sludge from the water on it. 

I highly recommend getting a lil turtle like mine. He is very cute and isn’t susceptible to the ocean threat of plastic straws. A turtle is a very easy pet to own and very lovable. Demetry and I play a game of hide and seek. Since I’m bigger, he swims to the other side of the tank when I walk towards the aquarium. But, I sense I’m winning him over.

Cave Dweller

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By Junior Levi Kassinove

Weekly, I assign the Blog Staff a Creative Writing Prompt–separate from their weekly posting prompt. The prompt is intended to be fun–sometimes the results are publishable, sometimes . . . not. Two weeks ago, I asked the staff to write about “darkness.” Levi went . . . dark . . . and to a completely unexpected place. We blame his new alpaca hoodie. Still, if you’re a fan of the workings of Levi’s mind, you may enjoy the following fiction . . . into the dark.

Blog Advisor Zachik

Day 1:

I’m currently hiking in the Andes Mountains. There is a clear sky and a bright sun. I can see a rainbow over the distant mountains. 45 minutes ago, I was separated from my group of friends that I met last night during a shamanic ritual. I am currently following a herd of alpacas. I think that they can at least guide me somewhere safe. 

Update 1:

The alpacas led me to a hermit who seemed to be taking care of them. He lived near the entrance of a cave that stretched deep into the mountain. Upon my arrival, the hermit sheared some of the alpacas and gave the fur to his wife, who then proceeded to start weaving the fur into a sweater, presumably as a welcome gift for me. The hermit led me into his minimalistic wooden shed, which had an air of detachment and mystery that made me uneasy. He offered me dinner, which consisted of sautéed, unfamiliar-looking mushrooms and a glass of…some sort of liquor. It tastes pretty good, actually. 

Update 2:

I woke up in a cave, presumably the same one that the hermit was near. There is nobody around, and I have an alpaca fur sweater on. I do not remember the weaver finishing the sweater I’m wearing, nor do I remember her giving it to me. The cave is dark, cold, and scary. Right now, I don’t know what to do, and the walls are moving. Though I can’t see the movement, I can feel it.

Day 2:

Nobody has come to save me. I have been eating whatever I could find in the crevices of this cave. All I have is the warmth and comfort of my alpaca sweater. I can only hope that soon someone will save me. Who was that hermit? Why did the alpacas follow him?

Day 35:

I have been using a rock to etch lines into the cave walls to denote the passing days. I am beginning to feel my mind slip, in the sense that I cannot trust my humanity, but I am resisting the slipping. My sweater has, remarkably, remained dry and cozy. I also didn’t know that grass grows in caves. Here there is grass. Why did I even decide to follow the alpacas? What was I thinking?

Day 203:

I found the hermit’s corpse last week. He had chunks bitten out of him, as if he was eaten by a pack of hyenas. But I have an eerie suspicion that it was the alpacas. I wonder if I’m their next target. I should have never followed them to the hermit’s cave. They are a murderous bunch. A gang of land dolphins. I wonder if no…that can’t be right. They must’ve tricked me…somehow…into following them to the hermit so that they could murder both of us and dispose of the evidence. Yes, I am beginning to piece it together now. 

Day 116:

They were always out to get me. Alpacas are sentient beings. I don’t even think that they are from earth. That innocent hermit…he was just happy to be in the presence of nature. He treated the alpacas well. Those animals are a bunch of psychopaths. I don’t know why I am still wearing this sweater. I don’t want to wear the fur of murderers. It’s just…so…warm. I wonder what happened to the weaver. She must be worried sick.

Day that I will escape:

Last night, sure enough, I found the weaver’s corpse. I am definitely next. This is all just a sick game to the alpacas. Torturing me just for entertainment. Is it because I took their fur? Is it because I’m human? A contributor to the demise of the planet? Whatever it is, I am going to escape. I just need to figure out how. How am I going to escape when the walls are constantly moving?!!! 

Day ___:

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It was all a red herring. 

The hermit. The weaver. The cave. The alpacas. They are just animals. Just grazing…they happened to bump into the hermit and the weaver. 

I’ve just got it…I’ve repressed the idea for so long. The sweater proves it all. I couldn’t take it off no matter how much I wanted to. Nature is me, and I am nature. We were always one. This is the end of my journal. I can’t bear to write anymore, and there’s some hay over there that looks pretty good. My hands…have they always looked like . . . hooves??

Photo Source: vanderbilt.edu

Save me

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I challenged the blog staff to write a short story. Luke was especially happy about that. Penny took up the challenge with her own fish tale.

Blog Advisor Zachik

A Short Story by Middle-Schooler Penny Andreas

“Welcome! Welcome Ladies and Gentleman to the ‘Great World Circus!’” Thomas W. Ratgrape stood in front of the crowd, feeding off of their applause. His great big smile on his face stood out in the spotlight, and his brightly colored red suit shone in the circus ring. 

“Thank you. Thank you, everyone. No, really, I mean it. Now, first up, we have your one, and only, ‘Dancing Monkey!’” 

The brass music boomed over the speaker. Thomas rushed behind the curtain, his support-staff followers running after him. 

“Sir, you go back on after the monkey.” 

“Sir, sir, your suit is unbuttoning!”

“Sir Your father wants to–”

“JUST SHUT UP!” Thomas yelled. “I DO NOT CARE! JUST GET ME THAT FISH!”

Everyone looked at each other, wondering who should move first. 

“WELL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE FISH ISN’T GOING TO COME BY ITSELF!” 

They all started running again, worried that their master, Thomas, would yell and fire them. Soon enough, the monkey was done dancing, and the crowd was becoming bored. Thomas quickly looked around, desperately looking to see if the fish was there. 

“Gertrude! Gertrude, where is the fish?” Thomas frantically said to Gertrude, who was the janitor of the circus. 

“I dunno,” she said.  

Thomas sighed and quickly started to pace across the maroon carpet. 

“I’ve got it! I’ve got the fish coming throoooooough!”

“Lacey? You were the last person I thought would get the fish. Is it well? Eh, no matter, we have to get it on!”  

Thomas ran out of the curtains and quickly took his spotlight. The music stopped, and a loud drum roll burst out of the speakers. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the amazing, magnificent ‘Talking Fish!’”

Gertrude placed the giant fish tank onto the scooter, and rolled it out into the circus ring. The fish, Margarine, tried to swim, but her tank was too small. She couldn’t even move. 

“How incredibly rude. What do they even want me to do?” Margarine asked. She looked beyond her dirty, small glass like aquarium, and saw the crowd. Her eyes were blinded by the lights. She refused to look at the crowd and tried to turn her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Thomas and his mean, stink-eye glare. He slowly walked over to her. 

“Fish, if you don’t start talking, I will make your life worse than it is.”

He walked away squinting at her. Margarine floated there, speechless. What am I supposed to do? She pushed on the glass, daring to break it, daring an escape. The glass was strong, yet Margarine was stronger. That glass popped out and shattered on the hard cement ground. Water spilled out, creating a tidal wave that carried Margarine across the ground. She frantically tried to swim, hoping she could make it to the clear water pond just outside the door of the tent. She was almost there when Thomas stepped in front of her and picked her up. He apologized to the bored audience and quickly walked backstage. As soon as he was behind the curtain, he threw the fish against the wall into a water tank. 

“HOW DARE YOU EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT OF MY PEOPLE?! MY AUDIENCE?! YOU ARE A DISGRACE! YOU SHOULD BE SORRY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!”

He stormed out of the room, leaving Margarine alone in the dark. She swam to the bottom of the tank, and belly flopped onto the gravel. She longed for her sweet, clean, clear pond that they  polluted in order to capture her. She missed her poor family, swimming alone in the river to which they were transferred. She missed them so dearly. But at that moment, *click*. 

The custodian Gertrude walked through the door and turned on the lights. She took out her mop and bucket of water and started to clean the floor. 

“Hello, Gertrude,” said Margarine.

“AHHHHHHHHH!” Gertrude yelled, dropping her mop. 

“Well, don’t be frightened for goodness sake. I was only being polite.

”Gertrude stared at her in awe. How could the fish be speaking? Was she dreaming? Was she even alive?

“You really speak? How?”

Margarine laughed. 

“I don’t really know. I just started to talk one day. But when the world found out, they captured me, and pulled me into this…this horrible place.”

“Well, I guess we are similar in that way. I wanted to go to college, but I got fired from my job and lost all  my money and had to work at this dump.”

“Perhaps we could someday escape, though that day would be far far away due to the situation here,” Margarine sighed. 

That’s when Gertrude had an idea. They could escape. They could get out of this miserable, terrible, horrible place. 

Gerturde jumped up into the air. “I know how we can escape!”

Margarine was delighted. “How might we do that?”

“Tomorrow night, when you perform for the last time, you can tell the audience how bad Thomas is treating you, and then they will have to all leave, and right then we could leave, too!”

Margarine was thrilled. She was so happy with the thought that she could see her loving family and pond again. That night, she slept for the first time. 

The next day, Margarine woke up with joy, but suddenly it diminished like water on fire. She awoke to everyone running around, yelling, and frantically waving their arms. Thomas was not around surprisingly. At the corner of her eye, she noticed Gertrude standing with her mop. Gertrude met eyes with Margarine, and broke a small smile. 

“WHAT IS ALL THE CHAOS?!” Thomas suddenly walked into the main room. Everybody froze and immediately turned to Lacey. Thomas started to slowly walk across the room. 

“What…is going….on?” snarled Thomas. 

Lacey’s eyes were wide open, and her legs were trembling. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. 

“I-I–I…I LOST THE MONKEY!” Lacey started to cry. She went down on her knees. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” 

Thomas looked down at her like a hawk watching its prey from above. He walked silently to the back of the room. 

“Find it. Or else,” Thomas said. He walked out of the room, smoke metaphorically fuming out of his ears. Gertrude rushed over to Margarine. 

“Don’t worry,” whispered Gertrude, “I stole the dancing monkey, and I’m going to replace it with a normal foolish monkey.”

Margarine sighed, worried that the plan wouldn’t work. She swam to the top of the tank and said, “He will have to put me on instead, and then we can escape?”

“Precisely,” smiled Gertrude. She then walked away and went back to her mopping. 

Two hours later, Thomas prepared for the show, for he was on in 5 minutes. 

“Are we prepared? Is everything ready? Where is the monkey?” 

Gertrude pretended to be rushed and threw herself onto the ground, the fake monkey in her hand. “I’ve found it!”

Thomas looked down at her. “Thank you,” he said, and he snatched the monkey out of her hand and walked off. 

Gertrude was thrilled as she got up off of the ground. She was ready to get out of this dump. 

The music started to grow out of the big bass speakers, and the spotlights circled around the circus ring. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to the circus!”

The loud brass music played, which was heard from backstage, where Gertrude and Margarine were desperately waiting to see the magnificent fail of Thomas. 

“First up, I will joyfully present to you, the one, the only…Dancing Monkey!”

The spotlight appeared suddenly on a miniature stage, with the fake monkey on it. The monkey blocked the light with his hands, and ran off the tiny stage to the door and ran out. Thomas stood there speechless, surprised that he had just lost the monkey. His mind quickly turned to the crowd though, and he rushed to take the spotlight. 

“Well, that was unexpected! To keep your interest, I want to show you the magnificent, amazing “Talking Fish!” Thomas said nervously. 

Gertrude pushed Margarine to the center of the dusty stage. Margarine looked out to the crowd, hoping this would work. 

“Hi. My name is Margarine. I am a talking fish. And although many people stare at me in awe when I speak, some people treat me wrong for it. They give me small fish tanks, which smell and are unclean. They also force me to talk and punish me if I don’t. I don’t like the disrespect at all. I find it quite rude. And these people, they are horrible. And I know one person who is like this. Thomas W. Ratgrape.”

The audience gasped when they heard this, and immediately refused to stay in the circus tent any longer. People demanded their money back, and some climbed out of the seats. Soon enough, people were carrying Margarine’s fish tank outside, and placing her in a beautiful pond outside of the circus. Gertrude followed, cheering for her and Margarine’s freedom. 

And they all lived happily ever after. Except Thomas W. Ratgrape.

Reptiles as Pets are Underrated

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By Sienna Price, Animal Activist

When I ask people, “Do you have any pets?” they rarely answer with I have a reptile. However, I, Sienna Price, have a bearded dragon. I think a reptile is one of the best pets. The main reason I got my bearded dragon, Tuk Tuk, was because during lockdown I really wanted a friend and a distraction from what was happening. 

Reptiles are interesting and make a very fun pet. Depending on the animal, reptiles can be relatively low maintenance. I would say bearded dragons are fairly low maintenance if you know what you’re doing. I researched A LOT before getting Tuk Tuk, and it still took some time after I got him to work things out. I got a bearded dragon because they are said to be the friendliest reptiles, but I think it’s like any animal. You can still get some that are not friendly.  Luckily for me, Tuk has the biggest personality and is very friendly and sociable, but again I am glad I did research before getting him. I know if he’s stressed or if he’s hungry and even if he wants to come out of his enclosure. When Tuk Tuk scrapes his cage he wants to come out, and when he has ring markings on his stomach he’s stressed. The most popular reptiles as pets are leopard geckos, bearded dragons, blue tongued skinks, snakes and chameleons. Of course, there are many different types of species of snakes and chameleons, so make sure you understand the needs of the specific species. 

Tuk Tuk in his holiday attire. You can get your own lizard Santa suit at PetCo.

Note, reptiles are not the easiest pets. You really need to know what you are doing. Everyone knows the basic needs of a dog without even owning one because dogs are so popular. If reptiles were more popular, I think their basic needs would be well known, too. They are also not the cheapest of pets to own–depending on the reptile you have. Tuk’s terrarium, which is forty gallons, cost around 200 dollars, and I would say forty gallons is the bare minimum for a bearded dragon. I have actually ordered Tuk Tuk a bigger terrarium that is one hundred and twenty gallons! It was a really good deal that I could not pass up. So, I think Tuk will be happy with my new purchase! Once you get your whole setup done, it does get cheaper again depending on the reptile. With Tuk, I order bugs to my house every two weeks, but I will feed him less as he gets older so it will get cheaper. And, note, many reptiles need heat lamps and a UVB light.

Before deciding on your next pet, I would strongly recommend considering a reptile. (As I just typed that sentence Tuk Tuk licked my leg.) Tuk Tuk brings me so much joy even if he is not the smartest sometimes. For example, yesterday he decided to jump off my bed. Don’t worry; my bed is really low to the ground, and he is okay. Thank you for reading, and, remember, next time, consider a reptile.

Cats vs. Dogs

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An Op-Ed By Alyna Rei

A common question I hear a lot is “Do you prefer cats or dogs?” Both animals bring comfort to many people. It really does depend on the person if they prefer a cat or a dog. If you are into a calm, quiet, lazy animal, go with a cat (not saying all dogs aren’t calm). If you are into a more energetic, active, and happy animal, go with a dog. Cats will be in their own world and will come to you when they want to while a dog sticks by your side.

If I were to choose, I would choose dogs. For example, we have cat allergies in my house. So getting a cat would be torture. Another reason I choose dogs is because dogs help me stay responsible and active. Cats to me are more of an indoor pet, while a dog needs exercise. I have never seen someone “walk” their cat. 

I also just learned that cats can not be service animals. The only animal that can be a service animal is a dog. 

Below are my two golden retrievers, Lucy and Ethel. I’ve had them since I was in sixth grade. Both have taught me and my brother great responsibility: we feed them, clean the yard, and take them for walks.


Here are people’s opinions on this common question: Do you prefer dogs or cats?

“Dogs.  Cats are bendy and weird.”

Sienna Price (8th grade)

“Both. I don’t want to be biased.”

Abigail Horwitt (10th grade)

“Both. I’ve always had cats, but dogs have been a revelation in my life.”

Ms. Zachik (teacher)

“Dogs. I’m allergic to cats. Dogs have more personality.”

Lilah Nick (sophomore)

“I prefer dogs because I find them to be more fun companions than cats. I appreciate cats’ independence, but dogs tend to play more and engage more with humans. Plus, no scratches with dogs!”

Ms. Coffey (teacher)

“Dogs are cool? But so are cats? Cats are a lot more mellow while dogs are a lot more active? I like them both.”

Cole Robinson (sophomore)

“Dogs. Dogs are so much more playful. Dogs are also good for protection. It depends which type of dog you have, but dogs are better at protecting. I doubt a cat would attack an intruder. I personally like dogs better, but I’ve also never had a cat.”

Christina Lam (sophomore)

“I like cats because they’re small and friendly. They are also cute, and their purrs are sweet. Dogs are more dangerous than cats.”

Jocelynn Montoya (junior)