By Oliver Martinez, Middle-School Correspondent

We just finished with the ERBs.  ERBs (Educational Records Bureau) was founded in 1927 (erblearn.org ).   They are  tests whose purpose is to check a student’s academic performance, grades three to eight are tested. The categories in this test are: mathematics, verbal reasoning, listening, word analysis, quantitative reasoning, writing mechanics, reading comprehension, and more. ERBs were gone for two years at PVS due to Covid, but they are now back. Thankfully (from a middle-school perspective), these tests are not graded and won’t go into Report Cards, but they do go into students’ permanent Cumulative Folders.

Now, let’s see what people think about the ERBs:

“I think all standardized tests are pointless.”

Mr. Hesson, Math Teacher

“ERBs are bad; they should just get good.”

Tal Maruvada, 8th Grade

“ERBs are dumb.”

Emerson Price, 8th Grade

“I don’t like ERBs.”

Chloe Elbaz, 8th Grade

“ERB’s are just time consuming, and they’re pointless,”

Sherwin Hemmati, 8th Grade

“They suck, but at least they don’t affect my grades.”

Kayliee Augustine-Sails, 8th Grade

“I don’t like them; they are stressful”

Gabie Rodriguez-Portugues, 8th Grade

Wow, there’s not a lot of popularity with the ERBs. Now, let’s look at a positive response.

“I’m jealous that I didn’t get to take them.”

Ms. McKee, Math Teacher

I think that it’s safe to say that the majority of the school doesn’t enjoy ERBs. Personally, I think ERBs are dreadful and useless, but some people may think differently. Leave your opinion on ERBs in the comments.

By Abigail Horwitt 

The CSF Seymour Award is one of the highest scholastic honors given to high school seniors in the state of California. The Seymour Memorial Award was created to honor both Charles F. Seymour and his wife, Marian H. Seymour, who together brought up what is now the California Scholarship Federation (csf-cjsf.org). The Seymour is awarded to high school students in California. Seymour Award Finalists are required to be CSF Sealbearers (those graduating with honors). Sealbearers are CSF members who meet CSF grade qualification in at least four of their high-school semesters. They demonstrate the CSF motto, “Scholars for Service.” A Seymour finalist is selected  on the basis of character, leadership, and service. Sara sent in an application for the Seymour Award back in February and was chosen as one of the ten finalists in the Southern California state region. Her application consisted of a personal statement, resume, and two letters of recommendation. Then, on April 2, she participated in a four-hour group interview with all of the other finalists. As a finalist, Sara won $2,000 dollars and a gold medal! If you see Sara in the courtyard, congratulate her on this massive accomplishment!  

Our CSF hosts story slams, poetry readings, and open mics. Sara comes ready to emcee in goofy glasses, a Lakers jersey, a couple dance moves, and get-in-the-mood music.

excerpt from Ms. Zachik’s Advisor Letter

. . . on Spring Break. We’ll return the week of April 25. Safe and restful travels.

By Ani Madanyan

Palm Valley is hosting another SCHOOL DANCE! ASB Introduces…. Palm Valley’s Red Carpet Premiere. It’s going to be THIS SATURDAY, April 9th from 7-9 p.m. in the Lower School courtyard. As a member of ASB, I can proudly say that there will be a celebrity DJ and two mystery teacher bartenders. There’s going to be a gorgeous red carpet so that everyone feels as if they were to attend an actual Red Carpet premiere. There’s also a photo booth, boujee finger foods, and more that I cannot yet reveal. This is YOUR moment to be your own celebrity, so go for it. Tickets are $30 for a single person, but if you want a couple’s discount, it’s $25 each. Everyone received a special letter saying “you’re invited” so that must say something about how fancy it is…

English 8 read N. Scott Momaday’s “The Delight Song of Tsoai–talee.” Momaday employs anaphora, starting the lines of his first stanza with “I am . . . .” I asked the 8th graders to try the technique in their own “I Am . . .” poems. I found Nicole’s so beautifully detailed, I asked her if we could share it on thebirdonfire.org. She agreed. — Ms. Zachik

I am a pencil sharpened down to the ferrule. 

I am the mouse that creeps out in the dead of night. 

I am the volume button on a remote.

I am two mismatched pairs of socks.

I am Jupiter’s second-smallest moon. 

I am a gopher underground.

I am a cloud floating with the sunrise.

I am many things, and many things are me. 

I am a seed on a dandelion.

I am smudged gel-pen ink. 

I am an unused eraser. 

I am many things, and they all are me.

I am, I am, I am. 

–Nicole Jowitt

Last year, from our “Something to Write about Wednesday Prompt,” we played along with The New Yorker, asking the question: “WHAT THE NEW ROARING TWENTIES WILL BE LIKE?”

Staffers from our very own thebirdonfire.org contributed their predictions. They wrote, “In the New Roaring Twenties, . . . “

• Leo will stop prefacing every question with “I have a question, . . .”
• People putting their pronouns in their social media bios will become commonplace.
  • — Alumnus Erik Bearman

• People will no longer have a preference for toilet paper; we’re used to taking whatever we can get on the shelves. 
• Disney+, Netflix, or Hulu? Depending on your answer, we may or may not get along.
  • — Senior Sara Habibipour

• Because of the increased lethargic attitudes in students due to online school, public schools will adopt mandatory siestas from 1-3 pm.
  • — Alumnus Hannah Hall

• People will be elected to public office based on social media followers.
  • — Current Blogger Roman Rickwood

• Californians will overrun Texas, causing the half the state to petition to be granted new statehood with the threat of secession should their request be denied.
  • — Alumnus Elizabeth Shay

• Conservatives will gain full control of the government and establish prohibition, . . . for social media.
  • — Alumnus Jake Sonderman

• In the new roaring 20s, dogs will be much sadder because all of their masters decided they’d like to go back out now instead of being with them all day.
  • — Alumnus Dog-Lover Evan Spry

In the spirit of Halloween, we dive into zombies and Hu Tao. We learn about the zombie that she befriends and their journey together. Get ready for a ride! — Editor Roman Rickwood

By Izumi, Middle-School Gaming Enthusiast

Hello! Welcome to this week’s blog post! To go with Halloween being this weekend, and already writing about Hu Tao, I decided to write about the zombie she found. Meet Qiqi, the zombie.

Qiqi is a child who died over 100 years ago, and stayed in the world of Teyvat as a zombie. Qiqi is quiet and easily forgets things. Her memory is extremely bad, at the point where she has forgotten most of her life. Qiqi does remember Hu Tao and despises her. Qiqi makes the point that Hu Tao has a “punchable” face. Qiqi doesn’t want anything to do with Hu Tao; she says she wants to seal her in a fridge, or just somewhere that hides her from the world so Qiqi can never see her again, even though Hu Tao is always pampering her. There is no clear reason why Qiqi hates Hu Tao. Is it because she took Qiqi into Liyue? Qiqi also loves coconut milk. An example of her often confused thinking, Qiqi thinks coconut milk is from the “cocogoat.”

In life, Qiqi was a regular herb-picking child, until one day she lost her way and trespassed into the realm of the Adepti. She injured her right leg in a fall and quickly hid in a cavern to recover. It seems in this cavern, Qiqi was caught between life and death, between the mortal and immortal planes of existence. (Genshin-Impact.fandom.com). With that stumble into the cavern, Qiqi became a zombie.

College football can be a passionate game, full of striking triumphs and contentious errors. Roman muses on what occurred at Neyland Stadium a few Saturdays ago between the University of Mississippi and the University of Tennessee. Throw in their fans, coaches, and referees, and you have more than a ball game.

By Roman Rickwood, Sports Enthusiast

What we witnessed two Saturday nights ago was passion, anger, and the result of poor officiating. “It just means more”: this is the catchphrase for the SEC, the conference in which both the University of Tennessee and the University of Mississippi are conference members. Everything “means more” in this conference . . . except the officiating. While these teams are not necessarily the cream of the crop when it comes to the conference, they are generally well respected nationally as very competitive teams. When these two teams faced off on a cool Saturday night in Knoxville, there was a lot on the line. It was set to be a statement game for both teams, with Tennessee looking to turn it around with the help of their new coach Josh Huepel. The opposing University of Mississippi Head Coach, Lane Kiffin, was stepping back back on familiar turf. He coached Tennessee for many years. 

The energy was crazy with over 100,000 screaming fans fired up to cheer on their team against the villain of college football, Lane Kiffin. Scandal follows him. When the game began on Saturday the 16th, it was a tight contest with an emphasis on defense, with both teams having trouble scoring. In my opinion, the fuse was lit when the refs muffed a call that would have given Tennessee a touchdown. While refs are human and make mistakes just like all of us, the bad calls are getting out of hand–especially in a day and age when replay is as prevalent as it is. This crowd of over 100,000 soon turned into an angry mob in the second half as their team went down a score. 

Towards the end of the 4th quarter, Tennessee had the ball, was down 7, and needed a score. It was 4th down, and the Volunteers needed 15 yards to get a first down and continue their campaign for a touchdown. Quarterback Hendon Hooker connected with his tight end, and to many eyes (especially of those in the stadium) it appeared that the ball had gotten to the first-down line. However, even after going to replay, the refs still ruled him short of the line to gain. While this call could be argued back and forth between rules analysts and experts, the bottom line is if you miss enough blatant calls in a row, eventually paying customers want answers, and with this call the crowd–feeling as if their intelligence had been insulted–began throwing objects onto the field. Play was suspended for almost 25 minutes while referees, coaches, and security staff decided how to proceed. Eventually it appeared that the crowd had run out of objects to throw because the shelling ceased. The game resulted with Ole Miss making a statement and winning 31-26 in an absolute war of a football game. And yet again, the villain of college football–Lane Kiffin–had the last laugh, as he jeeringly caught a water bottle aimed for his face while he exited the field of play. 

Days after the game the only thing that was discussed was the behavior of 1% of fans rather than the athleticism and performance put on display by both teams. There were many infamous moments–such as the golf ball thrown on the field that would go on to be collected by Head Coach Kiffin and later posted on social media with the final score of the game written large in Sharpie on the side of the ball. Regardless of all of this, this is college football, and more specifically this is the SEC, and officiating cannot continue to be this dismal. To the people crying in the Tennessee home crowd, I ask if college football is really for you?