the bird on fire

The Bird is the Word: Sophisticated Schoolyard Shenanigans

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A Performance on Puns . . . . A Play on Words

February 14, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

Compiled by Shelby Armor and Bella Bier

It’s the last week of school before February Break. If you’re dragging–not that you’re counting the days,–here are some puns to brighten your day. Puns make us giggle. Just ask Holden.

  • Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
  • I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
  • Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
  • A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
  • I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  • Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was just a soft drink.
  • When notes get in treble, bass-ically they get put behind bars. The alto-nate punishment is to push them off a clef and hope they land flat on sharp objects.
  • I once got into so much debt that I couldn’t even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.
  • Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
  • When William joined the army he disliked the phrase “fire at will.”
  • Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.
  • Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
  • Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
  • Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  • A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”
  • My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
  • I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
  • Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming!
  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
  • Two windmills stood in a field. One asked the the other, “What type of music do you listen to?” The other replied with “I’m a big metal fan.”
  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • A girl said she knew me from the Vegetarian club, but I had never met herbivore.
  • Broken pencils are pointless.
  • Did you hear about the cartoonist who died alone in his apartment? Details are sketchy.
  • I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
  • There were two ships. One was painted red; the other was painted purple. They collided. At last report, survivors were marooned.
  • Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job? She couldn’t control her pupils.
  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
  • I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
  • I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  • Bakers trade recipes on a knead-to-dough basis.
  • What do you give a sick horse? Cough stirrup and neighsel spray.
  • I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • What did the mummy do for the talent show? She wrapped.
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
  • Without geometry, life is pointless.
  • Someone just stole my Thesaurus! I’m at a loss for words.–Brennan

Do you have a pun to share? Reply in the “Comment” section.

Ex: From Peter, “We’re getting so many suggestions for headlines, kinda like a ‘title wave.'”

Editor: Brennan Nick

*Punoftheday.com referenced.

Filed Under: Humor, Letters, Uncategorized Tagged With: punny, punny day

Thinking of Love

February 9, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

Thinking of love? Valentine’s Day is on its way. “Anne” has some ruminations on the subject for you.

 

By Anne

 

It’s as if you’ve turned my heart into an ocean

at the same time you’ve lit it on fire.

It seems to slosh around with every motion;

I can feel its weight, its infinite depth.

There is no limit to its flow.

The fiery tongues dance inside me,

engulfing everything they see.

I feel the warmth of both comfort and anxiety.

 

Editor: Peter Kadel

Filed Under: Poetry, Uncategorized Tagged With: Anne, love, Valentine's Day

The Dying Art of Fountain Pens

February 5, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Shelby Armor

 

Pilot Metropolitan with Refillable Cartridges

I’ve always been a lover of pens. I choose my pens carefully based on the type of pen, the thickness of the pen, the smoothness, the type of ink, etc. And I’ve recently fallen in love with an entirely new yet old kind of pen: fountain pens.

Both of my parents used fountain pens  when they were young, and it’s still used in Europe today. But in America we’ve let it die out. We now settle for more efficient roller-balls and ballpoint pens that may last longer but ultimately provide a horrible writing experience. The ink doesn’t flow as consistently. And to many, this doesn’t matter, perhaps that’s why we rely so much on ballpoint pens. But fountain pens have such an elegant vibe to them. Their perfect way that the ink flows from the pen, the sleek look, and the overall effectiveness make the fountain pen ultimately superior.

The ink just seems to flow from the pen. It’s something that I appreciate most from fountain pens. When writing, you get such a smooth line. It’s really the most lovely part of the pen. In addition, fountain pens just LOOK so amazing. They have an elegant and sleek look to them that is ultimately unattainable with other pens. From the spiffy exterior, to the beautiful metal nibs, there’s just nothing to not love. And fountain pens are just very effective as well. When buying one pen, there are two options. You can either get an ink well or cartridges. I personally use cartridges, as that is the more modern and efficient form. When using cartridges, you simply have to unscrew the pen to replace the cartridge every two weeks or so.

Many people argue that fountain pens are not cost effective, but I tend to disagree. My personal favorite pen is the Pilot Metropolitan Fountain Pen. (https://www.amazon.com/Pilot-Metropolitan-Collection-Fountain-91111/dp/B00KRPFD96/ref=ice_ac_b_dpb?s=office-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1517543300&sr=1-4&keywords=pilot+metropolitan+fountain+pen) The price ($15) may seem slightly unreasonable for a pen, but consider the lifespan of the pen. The pen comes with a cartridge already, and the cartridges can be replaced for years. You would go through SO MANY ballpoint pens by that time. Considering that a pack of 12 cartridges is $4.79, that’ll last you for six months.

Pilot Varsity “Disposable” Fountain Pens

My ultimate verdict is that fountain pens are dying out when they really shouldn’t be. They are a beautiful writing utensil that is underappreciated.

 

Editor: Peter Kadel

Filed Under: Op-Ed, Review, Uncategorized Tagged With: Do you have a pen?

Six-Word Stories: Can You Do It?

January 31, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

Written and Compiled by Brennan Nick

 

Old Friends. Yelling. Gunshot. Silence. Regret.

 

Left footprints. Tide came. No footprints.

 

Every sickness starts with a hug.

 

Aimed for moon–Landed among stars.

 

Three steps backwards; two steps forwards.

 

Dark and stormy night?! Oh no…

 

If I’m alone, then who knocked?

 

Epitaph–“Only wanted to find home”

 

Once vibrant village now lies silent.

 

Orders given. Orders followed. Lives lost.–Peter Kadel

 

The side of my face hurts.–Peter Kadel

 

Feel free to write your own!–Peter did.

 

No. I’m sorry. I’m all out.–Makena Behnke

 

Editor: Makena Behnke

Filed Under: Fiction, Letters, Uncategorized Tagged With: 6-word stories, Makena didn't., Peter did it.

California Split: And We’re Not Talking Earthquakes

January 26, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

By Brennan Nick

Last week, the founders of New California declared their independence from the rest of the state. With their own Declaration of Independence, they took a step to forming a 51st state. Within this Declaration of Independence, in their list of grievances, they describe California as being “ungovernable.” Their plan in the separation of New California is to take many of the western and northern counties in California–many of which are rural–and separate them from the big cities of the Bay Area and Los Angeles. Furthermore, the founders of New California can also be quoted saying, “The current state of California has become governed by a tyranny” (USA Today). Here is a map showing how they plan to divide California:

 

“New California” county map

 

Now, let’s be real; this is not going to happen. However, this has not been the first time a group of people have wanted to partition the state:

 

1965: The California State Senate voted on dividing California with the Tehachapi Mountains as the boundary. It failed.

1992: State Assemblyman Stan Statham sponsored a bill to allow a referendum in each county partitioning California into three new states: North, Central, and South California.

2009: Former State Assemblyman Bill Maze wanted to split some coastal counties which usually vote Democratic into a separate state, citing how “conservatives don’t have a voice” and how Los Angeles and San Francisco “control the state” (Downsize California webpage).

2013: Some Californians living in the far north wanted to found their own state of Jefferson with some Oregon counties.

2013: Tim Draper, a venture capitalist, proposed to split California into six new states, citing “improved representation, governance, and competition between industries”(“Six Californias”).

Seeing as no other state has this frequency of partitionist movements, this is indicative of large divisions in such a massive state. Let’s take a look at what these divisions may be.

2016 election county map

We usually refer to Northern California as NorCal and Southern California as SoCal. The reasons we say this have a greater reason than simple geography. Northern California with the big cities of San Francisco and San Jose is known for its progressive, liberal streak. Meanwhile, Southern California with the suburbs of LA, San Diego, and Orange County brings a more conservative tone. This can be seen in the election of governors such as Arnold Schwarzenegger and Ronald Reagan whose vote tallies were carried by Southern California suburbs. Meanwhile, San Francisco would vote the most against them. This was the dynamic in California politics for decades–the North voting Democrat and the South voting Republican. The Southern California shift towards “blue” occurred during the campaigns of Bill Clinton.

In recent years, however, this North-South Divide has turned into an East-West divide, with the urban West Coast finding common goals in the state legislature while the rural eastern interior feeling left behind. This can be seen with Orange County. Once one of the most conservative counties in the state, this year it voted in majority for Hillary Clinton and against Donald Trump.

These eastern counties could even be argued as having more in common with those in rural Oregon, Nevada, and Arizona than urban California, and this is the reason why some people in the far north of California want to found their own state by the name of Jefferson. Just consider what you think when someone says “Northern California.” You don’t immediately think of the far northern county of Trinity; you think of San Francisco, or Sacramento.

Nevertheless, these are the divisions that come with having a state of such land area and population size. These divisions have always existed and always will exist as long as California exists.

 

Editor: Claire Jenkins

Filed Under: Culture, Politics, Uncategorized Tagged With: California, New California

“ugly” things that are beautiful

January 24, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Makena Behnke

  • acne
  • albinism
  • big lips
  • big noses
  • birthmarks
  • body hair that “shouldn’t be there”
  • bushy eyebrows
  • crooked teeth
  • curly hair
  • double chins
  • fat
  • flat chests
  • grey hair
  • hip dips
  • heterochromia
  • hooded eyelids
  • limb transplants
  • scars
  • short eyelashes
  • stretch marks
  • thin lips
  • vitiligo
  • wrinkles

–the “ideal body type” is trash

 

Editor: Peter Kadel

Filed Under: Poetry, Uncategorized Tagged With: beautiful?, ideal?, ugly

very early xmas 2018 present ideas

January 10, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Poet Blogger Makena Behnke

 

this season, we all received gifts we didn’t want, and we all gave at least one gift that we knew the person wouldn’t like, but we gave it to them anyway…

 

here is a list of quick and easy presents for next holiday season that almost everyone will like:

 

  • books.
  • candles. who doesn’t like a candle?
  • face masks for smooth skin.
  • food. food is always good.
  • gift cards. they may not be heartfelt or personal, but you don’t have to go through the struggle of buying a gift you’re not even sure your loved one will like.
  • hair ties. no matter how many you buy, they always seem to disappear.
  • mini lotions and soaps. if you don’t know someone too well or you just ran out of time to get them a present, these are good gifts.
  • mugs.
  • notebooks and journals and such.
  • phone accessories. this present could be anything from earbuds to chargers to phone cases.
  • socks. socks are such an underrated present, especially if they’re holiday themed.
  • sunglasses. honestly, it’s better to go with fun sunglasses with colored lenses in my opinion.
  • sweaters and sweatshirts. you can never have too many.

 

Editor: Brennan Nick

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Loneliness

January 8, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

By Guest Blogger Jackson Dean

 

As I write this, Blog, Publications Club, and Book Club are traveling to Los Angeles on a field trip to The Last Bookstore. They will be in LA for the entire day. As I write this, I understand, for the first time in my life, the feeling of loneliness. The members of the class and clubs are my go-to, my emotional support, the type of friends that are there for you always. I’m attached to them, probably in an unhealthy way, but nonetheless attached. For the first time, none of them are here to talk to, to laugh with, to enjoy each other’s company. For the first time, I feel like I have, in all honesty, no one. I am alone. I have no voice, no confidence. My cheery disposition is currently vacant as it searches for something to give, but to no avail. I never understood just how much these people mean to me, until this moment, this moment of gray, this moment of quiet, this moment of loneliness. As I look at this moment, I am brought to another moment that has yet to come. Another moment where this loneliness will occur, but hasn’t yet–

 

June, 2019–When my class, my brothers and sisters since Kindergarten, will throw off their caps with me as we leave our high school careers and start another life, away from each other. June, 2019–When I hug my go-to’s from lower grades for the last time. June, 2019–When the people that gave me a voice, that gave me confidence, will no longer be a part of my life. June, 2019, and possibly for a long time afterwards–When this feeling of loneliness will sink in once more and tug at my heart as it does now.

 

I love all of you. From the bottom of my heart, I truly, wholeheartedly love you. Whether you are in my class of 2019, or 2020, or 2021, I think of you as my brother or sister. I am nothing without you. You make me something. You give me that voice. You give me that confidence. You make me who I am, and I will never forget that.

 

Editor: Claire Jenkins

Filed Under: Uncategorized

“I’m Tired”

January 8, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

Writer-Blogger Claire welcomes in the new year. Suggestion: Read it aloud.

 

By Claire Jenkins

 

This is a symbolic representation that shows how most high schoolers are feeling right now. High School is constantly putting pressure on students — the curriculum gets harder, and the students struggle to keep up. This is almost a piece of poetry in a sense. It is a figurative piece that may seem simple at first, but once you look closer you will realize that this is a concept piece that shows how the education system is constantly pulling students apart.

 

I’m Tired

I’M TIred

I’M TIRed

I’M TIREd

I’M TIRED

I’mmmmmmmmmmm tiredddddddddddddddddd

**I ‘ m  t i r e d**

i’M tireD

 

help me

 

Editor: AJ Patencio

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Bears, Wolves, and Dragons–Issue 1, The Beginning: Prologue

December 7, 2017 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

Beginning of a Novel Series by Charles Schnell

 

Charles outlined a novel/series. He liked it, so he wrote how he imagined it would begin. This is its prologue.

 

Dashuri Jetë was a small, short-haired, blue-eyed, five-year-old boy looking through his telescope at his window. He gazed at the stars freely. His imagination was bursting out of his heart as he hopefully and anxiously pictured all those other worlds out there, wishing he could go to them.

He usually peered through the telescope with his right eye, but tonight he looked with his left, for his right was bloody and swollen. His knees were scraped; his soul desolate.

Behind him, the sound of his door slightly creaking open interrupted his thoughts as his mother pushed it open all the way.

“Hi, Mommy,” the young boy said.

“Hey,” she replied, “I’m sorry I was late picking you up today, honey.”

“It’s okay…”

“It’s not okay. Look at what those boys did to you.”

“They woulda’ done it anyway….” Dashuri spoke quietly as he kept looking at the stars.

The pale blue and yellow-painted walls of his room were covered with various decorations, ranging from posters of sports stars to celestial charts. Toys, games, and papers used for writing stories layered the tan carpet. The fan spun quietly and slowly, as if it was peacefully dying. His two bookshelves were filled with comics, puzzle books, and children’s literature pieces such as The Magic Tree House, Geronimo Stilton, and Reddy Freddy.

“Why were you late, Mommy?”

“I had an important meeting with my publisher, sweetie.”

“Pub-lish-er?”

“I’ll explain it to you when you’re older…”

Dashuri turned back to his telescope and focused in on the biggest, brightest dot in the vast, freckled dark.

“Hey, what’s that star?”

“Which one, Dash?” His mother walked over and took his place behind the telescope.

“That one.” He pointed at it.

“Hmm, it’s probably Venus.”

“Can humans go there?”

“Not yet, but maybe someday…. Perhaps, you could be the first.”

“I want to do that.” Dashuri again looked through the telescope. “I want to go to a star, and stay there forever.”

“Why?”

“I don’t like this world. It’s mean.”

“Why don’t you try to make this one nicer?”

“I can’t.”

“Of course you can.”

“But it’s not my fault. It’s everyone else’s. I just want friends. Friends are only on a better world.” He rubbed at the lens of the telescope. “I want to live in a better world, a nicer world,” he said peering through the telescope again.

“When you’re an adult, baby, you’ll have more friends than you could ever want.”

“Really?”

“I promise. With hard work and faith, you can do anything… Except convince your mother to let you stay up past your bedtime.”

“But Mom…”

“It’s a school night, Dash.”

“Can you at least read me a story?”

“Of course I will.”

Dashuri’s mother pulled his blue Buzz Lightyear sheets over him, and opened another fairy tale. Dashuri always laughed when she read it to him. Her delivery was perfect.

His mother put the book away and stood at the door frame saying, “Goodnight, Dashuri.”  

“Goodnight, Mommy.”

He fell asleep quickly, dreaming about all the worlds the universe holds. And, there was one world, many galaxies away . . . .

 

###

 

Editor: Brennan Nick

Filed Under: Fiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: Dreams, space travel

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About

We are the Palm Valley Firebirds of Rancho Mirage, California. Join us in our endeavors. Venture through the school year with us, perusing the artwork of our students, community, and staff. Our goal is to share the poems, stories, drawings and photographs, essays and parodies that come out of our school. Welcome aboard!