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Stranger Than Fiction

June 4, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Reddit Investigator Brennan Nick

Most people know what The Onion is. It is a “news” source that posts hilariously fictional articles on ridiculous subjects. However, you do not need to look to fiction to laugh at stories that may seem as if they’re fake. Below are some ecstatically funny headlines that were found in actual news sources:

 

1. “Restaurant arms diners with squirt guns to ward off… seagulls”

Source: The Takeout

2. “Farmer accused of shooting murder blames gunfire on eggplant”

Source: 9news

3. “Scientists plan DNA hunt for Loch Ness monster next month”

Source: Reuters

4. “Man rescued from Taliban didn’t believe Donald Trump was President”

Source: Newsweek

5. “Uber’s search for a female CEO has been narrowed down to 3 men”

Source: The Denver Post

6. “Passenger turned away from two flights after wearing 10 layers of clothing to avoid luggage fee”

Source: The Telegraph

7. “UPS loses Family’s $846K Inheritance, Offers to Refund $32 Shipping Fee”

Source: Newsweek

8. “Justin Bieber banned from China in order to ‘purify’ nation”

Source: The Telegraph

9. “NPR tweets the Declaration of Independence, and people freak out about a ‘revolution’”

Source: The Kansas City Star

10. “Man who mowed lawn with tornado behind him says he ‘was keeping an eye on it.’”

Source: Times Colonist

11. “Ferry McFerryface to be name of new Sydney ferry after public vote”

Source: ABC News

12. “Alt-Right White Supremacists Claim Papa John’s as Official Pizza”

Source: Newsweek

13. “White supremacists taking DNA tests sad to discover they’re not 100% white”

Source: Global News

14. “Palestinian judge bans divorce during Ramadan because ‘people make hasty decisions when they’re hungry’”

Source: Independent

15. “After 4th DWI, man argues legal limit discriminates against alcoholics”

Source: Statesman

16. “Argentinian officers fired after claiming mice ate half a ton of missing marijuana”

Source: The Guardian

17. “‘Nobody kill anybody’: Murder-free weekend urged in Baltimore”

Source: The Baltimore Sun

18. “Texas judge interrupts jury, says God told him defendant is not guilty”

Source: Statesman

19. “Saudi Arabia accidentally prints textbook showing Yoda sitting next to the king”

Source: The Telegraph

20. “‘Japan’s slowest roller coaster’” derails, passengers don’t notice”

Source: Sora News 24

 

Editor: AJ Patencio

Filed Under: Culture, Current News, Media, Satire, The World, Uncategorized Tagged With: Brennan Nick, Stranger Than Fiction

Juxtaposition

May 25, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 3 Comments

By Peter Kadel

He stood before me, looking as he looked every day–rugged, a man of the forest, bearded and burly. He and his possessions were not gilded or lavish but utilitarian and plain. He and everything he owned had a purpose that they fulfilled adequately. None of his features or possessions were extraordinary in any way, with one exception–the pen. He always carried an ornately decorated fountain pen. I never found out where he got it or how he was ever able to afford such a gilded masterpiece. But, he had it with him always, a special pocket on his rucksack held the treasure so it was safe yet easy to reach. The body of the pen was made from a piece of obsidian as black as a moonless night with gold inlay and a golden nib. I was always surprised when I saw him holding the black treasure. It was a diamond in the rough of his demeanor. His worn and weathered hands worried the smooth glasslike surface. I never saw him use it, but the pen was always there.

He would never part with it: when the drought hit and we were starving and thirsty, he kept it. When the common folks were prohibited from reading and writing, he kept it. When a group of bandits took my sister and demanded our valuables, he kept it. When rumors spread of a wealthy collector offering a large sum for old writing implements, he kept it. When he was given a choice between the pen and his life….

It was just a pen, not a long lost relic, not a family treasure passed down for generations, not a holy artifact coveted by all. I’ll never understand why he cared about that thing so much. When I asked him why it was worth more than a human life, he said, “I carry these tools all over these here mountains, and I use them to create things so I can survive. But this pen won’t help me survive. If I were to use this pen to create something, that something lasts beyond me.”

So there it was, greed and vanity. Or maybe not. When he lay dying in a pool of his own failings, he handed the pen to me.

Editor: Claire Jenkins

Filed Under: Fiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: Fountain Pen, Juxtaposition, Peter Kadel

Introduction to Shelby’s Shenanigans: Ms. Clark as Special Guest

May 23, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Shelby Armor

Hello, and welcome to “Shelby’s Shenanigans”! This is a podcast that explores the people of Palm Valley School by talking to staff and students, taking a look at who we are as people, and how we shape a PVS community. Today, for our first episode, we’re talking to Middle and Upper School teacher, Ms. Clark. We examine her connection with yoga and the outdoors, as well as psychology and how that has influenced her life. I hope you enjoy the premiere episode of “Shelby’s Shenanigans”!

https://www.thebirdonfire.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Me-Clark-Episode-1.m4a

Editor: Claire Jenkins

Filed Under: Interview, Uncategorized Tagged With: Ms. Clark, Shelby Armor, Shelby's Shenanigans, Shenanigator

Nothingness: A Poem Inspired by Cormac McCarthy’s The Road

May 11, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Leo Milmet

 

Dark.

Cold.

Bleak.

Nothingness.

That’s all that ever was.

All that ever will be.

All else is just distraction.

The window you look out of and the images on television are no different.

Fiction and fantasy.

Masks of darkness.

But nothing’s really there.

It’s just a second away from destruction.

Your mother, your father, your greatest friends–all of us.

We are nothing.

Editor: Renée Vazquez

Filed Under: Poetry, Uncategorized Tagged With: Leo Milmet, Nothingness: A Poem Inspired by Cormac McCarthy's The Road

Sitcom Sound-off Results

May 10, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Claire Jenkins

 

Everyone loves a good sitcom, right? Recently a survey was sent out to the Palm Valley Upper School students regarding their sitcom preferences, and we received a total of 46 responses. Below are the top three favorite old and new sitcom choices of the Palm Valley students.

TOP 3 OLD SITCOMS (no longer on air):

  1. Friends – 46.7%*
  2. The Office – 46.7%
  3. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air – 37.8%

TOP 3 NEW SITCOMS (currently on air):

  1. The Big Bang Theory – 57.8%
  2. Parks and Recreation – 51.1%
  3. Modern Family – 48.9%

*The percentages represent the amount of people out of 46 polled who included a given show in their top three out of field of ten of eleven.

Editor: Leo Milmet

Filed Under: Uncategorized

GSA Day of Silence

April 25, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Shelby Armor

On Friday, April 27, our school’s GSA (Gender and Sexuality Acceptance Club) is hosting a Day of Silence. This is an annual thing hosted by GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network), a K-12 organization that seeks to give greater inclusion to LGBT+ students. Day of Silence is a day to recognize bullying (specifically, bullying of LGBT+ people). The way our school is carrying this out is by keeping the silence through Friday morning and breaking it at lunch time to present poetry. The poetry will be in the Student Lounge at lunch, and the poems will be regarding LGBT+ bullying. Everyone is encouraged to bring or recite poetry–original or found. And, if you found an amazing poem, but don’t feel quite comfortable presenting it, fear not. If you don’t feel comfortable presenting something, you don’t have to. You can show a video or have someone else read. The point of the day is to just get poetry out there and respect the cause. The National Day of Silence is a day to get everyone together to realize the problem of LGBT+ bullying throughout schools all over the country.

Editor: Leo Milmet

Filed Under: Current News, School Events, Uncategorized Tagged With: GSA Day of Silence, Shelby Armor

National School Walkout

April 19, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By AJ Patencio

In honor of the many school shootings in the past years, a National School Walkout is being organized on April 20, which is the 19th anniversary of the 1999 Columbine High School shooting. The walkout will begin at 10:00 am when students will walk out of their schools, take thirteen seconds of silence for the thirteen killed in the Columbine shooting, then use the rest of the day for organized protests. Participants are encouraged to wear orange, the color of the anti-gun violence movement. Over 2,000 walkouts are registered* in the U.S. with at least one per state and several registered outside the U.S. The Walkout was organized by 16-year-old Lane Murdock, who grew up three miles from Connecticut’s Sandy Hook Elementary School where 20 students were killed in 2012.** Murdock and three of her fellow classmates at Ridgefield High School were dissatisfied with the seventeen minutes of silence for the Florida Massacre that killed seventeen people. They hope to bring a stronger message that students will not be silenced or forgotten.

Editor: Bella Bier

*https://www.actionnetwork.org/event_campaigns/enough-national-school-walkout

**http://time.com/5238216/national-school-walkout-april-20/

Filed Under: Uncategorized

All The Way–A Review

April 9, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

By Brennan Nick

All The Way, written by Robert Schenkkan, is the historical drama of Lyndon Baines Johnson’s turbulent and fierce first year in office as President of the United States. It was first written as a stage play; then it was performed on Broadway in 2014 and finally was adapted to the screen as an HBO television drama film in 2016. In all adaptations, the story begins after John F. Kennedy’s assassination at the beginning of Lyndon B. Johnson’s presidency. Faced with rhetoric of being an “accidental president,” he has to prove his legitimacy as a president in his own right, and he sees his way of doing so through passing the first major civil rights bill–something he’s wanted for years when working in the Senate.

After landing in DC, he was sworn in and made his very first speech about this goal. As expected he immediately encounters resistance from Democrats and Republicans alike. His main opponents are the Southern Democrats who are staunch segregationists and would do anything to maintain their Southern way of life–this was a time when Conservative Democrats had a lock on The South which lasted from the Civil War until only 40 years ago. What LBJ had to do first was gain the trust and support of the Northern Democrats for his Civil Rights Bill, and after that he had to convince and coerce Republicans into supporting him by telling them “You can vote with the segregationists and the country goes up in flames.”

Surprise, surprise, the Civil Rights Bill of 1964 gets passed, and after this it goes into Johnson’s presidential campaign against fellow Democrats in the primaries and against Barry Goldwater in the election of 1964. It is here that Schenkkan goes deep into analyzing LBJ’s personality, inner conflict, and even his paranoia that no one around him really supports him and as soon as he loses power no one would be there for him. This escalates to a moment where he’s lying in his bed considering dropping out of the election from the pressure.

Once again, surprise, surprise, Johnson wins the election of 1964 in a landslide, but he loses the South to Goldwater. The play and movie end on an ominous note at Johnson’s election celebration party where Johnson has an internal monologue where he explains how he dragged this election “kicking and screaming into the light” and claims to know that although these people are all laughing and smiling now, afterwards the knives will come out and he will have to defend his place on top.

Although I couldn’t watch the play on broadway myself, I have read the play and watched the movie on HBO. The acting, especially on behalf of Bryan Cranston, LBJ, was outstanding and made Cranston very different from his character on Breaking Bad (Walter White) or his previous goofy dad role in Malcolm in the Middle (Hal). LBG was a great change in character from what Cranston usually plays and really displays his versatility.

Editor: Peter Kadel

Filed Under: Uncategorized

LGBT+ Superheroes

March 30, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

By Comic Lover and Blogger Peter Kadel

America Chavez–Marvels first LGBT latina superhero

In the past two decades, there has been a major shift in pop culture and modern entertainment. Comic books and comic book movies have gained an incredibly high popularity as comic books have become a legitimate form of art, and their film adaptations have grossed  billions.

Recently, I was talking with Mr. Griffin after a GSA meeting. The subject of comic books and comic-book movies came up after Mr. Griffin complimented me on my knowledge of Marvel comic books. As the conversation continued, we eventually got to the subject of minority representation in comic-book superhero movies. It was at this point that Mr. Griffin asked, “When is there going to be an LGBT Superhero on the big screen?” And, while I could not answer the question off the top of my head, I decided that I needed to find the answer. At first glance, it seems like there are no LGBT+ heroes and that there aren’t likely to be any in the near future. But upon a closer look, the opposite is true. In terms of current representation, many existing LGBT+ characters have hit the big screen, and there are even more LGBT+ characters that exist in the comics that have not yet been adapted to the big screen. Harley Quinn who appeared in the DC Extended Universe’s movie, Suicide Squad, is bisexual in the comics, having had romantic encounters with Poison Ivy. However, the movie adaptation, where Harley Quinn is played by Margot Robbie, did not explore that side of the character’s sexuality. On the Marvel side of comic-book movies, the character Deadpool, who received his first stand-alone movie in 2016, identifies as pansexual. And, while he has not yet had an on-screen romance with a man, many people involved with the franchise, including Deadpool actor Ryan Reynolds, have voiced interest in pursuing this side of the character’s sexuality. 

Representation within the DC comic-book universe–Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn

But there are even more LGBT+ characters in comic books that have not yet made their way onto the big screen. The best example is Marvel character America Chavez (aka Miss America). She is a lesbian latina superhero who was raised by lesbian parents. She is likely our best bet in terms of an LGBT+ hero with a stand-alone movie. The character is currently set to appear in an animated film titled Marvel Rising: Secret Warriors. While that is not the great big live action event that the character deserves, it’s a start. Miss America is an empowered young woman who always stands by her ideals and does not put up with bigotry and injustice. She is the perfect role model for younger generations, not only because of her ideals, but because she is more than her sexuality and relationships. This is how representation should be. People are more than their sexuality, or race, and this is shown in the way Miss America is handled as a character. America Chavez is a step towards representation that will ensure the relevance of Marvel Comics. Comic books are very popular among young people, so it only makes sense that they appropriately represent the young people of America. 

Marvel comic books especially have a long history of representing the under-represented and making us fall in love with those we thought were unlovable. Stan Lee (the major creative force behind the most popular Marvel characters) has a penchant for taking society’s outcasts and making them heroes. The core of the best marvel heroes are not their looks or social standing but the content of their character. The importance of representation in comic books is not the race or sexuality of the character, but the fact that they are shown as being worthy of being heroes.

Editor: Shelby Armor

Filed Under: Culture, Fiction, Op-Ed, Uncategorized, Visual Arts Tagged With: comic-book heroes, represent

01010011 01101110 01100001 01101011 01100101, A Poem In Binary

March 28, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Antonio Patencio

01010011 01101110 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101000 00100000
01110011 01101110 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101000 00100000
01101101 01100001 01110010 01110110 01100101 01101100 01101111 01110101 01110011 00100000
01110111 01101111 01101110 01100100 01110010 01101111 01110101 01110011 00100000
01100010 01100101 01100001 01110101 01110100 01101001 01100110 01110101 01101100 00100000
01110011 01101110 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000
01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 01100001 01110100 00100000
01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000
01101101 01101001 01100011 01100101 00100000
01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000
01110011 01110111 01100001 01101100 01101100 01101111 01110111 00100000
01110100 01101000 01100101 01101101 00100000
01110111 01101000 01101111 01101100 01100101 00100000
01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 01100001 01110100 00100000
01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000
01110010 01100001 01100010 01100010 01101001 01110100 01110011 00100000
01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000
01110011 01110111 01100001 01101100 01101100 01101111 01110111 00100000
01110100 01101000 01100101 01101101 00100000
01110111 01101000 01101111 01101100 01100101 00100000
01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000
01110011 01101100 01101001 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000
01101001 01101110 00100000 01100111 01110010 01100001 01110011 01110011 00100000
01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000
01110011 01101100 01101001 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000
01101001 01101110 00100000 01101000 01101111 01101100 01100101 01110011 00100000
01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101100 01100101 01110100 00100000
01110101 01110011 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110000 01100101 00100000
01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000
01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000
01100001 01101110 00100000
01100101 01100001 01100111 01101100 01100101 00100111 01110011 00100000
01101000 01101111 01101100 01100100 00101110

*and its translation . . .

 

Snake oh

snake oh

marvelous

wondrous

beautiful

snake

you eat

the

mice

you

swallow

them

whole

you eat

the

rabbits

you

swallow

them

whole

you

slither

in grass

you

slither

in holes

but let

us hope

you are

not in

an

eagle’s

hold.

Editor: Shelby Armor

Filed Under: Poetry, Technology, Uncategorized Tagged With: binary, poem

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About

We are the Palm Valley Firebirds of Rancho Mirage, California. Join us in our endeavors. Venture through the school year with us, perusing the artwork of our students, community, and staff. Our goal is to share the poems, stories, drawings and photographs, essays and parodies that come out of our school. Welcome aboard!