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The Bird is the Word: Sophisticated Schoolyard Shenanigans

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From the Archives: What’s the New “Roaring”(?) 20s Like?

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Last year, from our “Something to Write about Wednesday Prompt,” we played along with The New Yorker, asking the question: “WHAT THE NEW ROARING TWENTIES WILL BE LIKE?”

Writers from The New Yorker‘s, Daily Shouts, proposed . . .

*Not wearing makeup will become socially acceptable, but men will continue to ask their barefaced co-workers if they’re sick.
*Cockroaches will collectively grow disillusioned with big-city living and move out to a place in the country . . . . Many will share think pieces about it on TikTok.
*In the New Roaring Twenties, our old clothes will become sentient and feel bad that they no longer fit us.
*Longtime residents of pastorally enchanting towns will be priced out of their homes by gentrifying cockroaches and have no choice but to move to Florida.
*In the New Roaring Twenties, essential workers will get V.I.P. treatment at night clubs, the D.M.V., and Pinkberry. But they will still be tragically underpaid.
*In the New Roaring Twenties, A.O.C. will be President, Amy Adams will finally win an Oscar, and Lin-Manuel Miranda will write a musical version of “The Great Gatsby” with an all-bipoc cast. It’ll earn him his nineteenth Pulitzer and first Teen Choice Award.


Staffers from our very own thebirdonfire.org contributed their predictions. They wrote, “In the New Roaring Twenties, . . . “

  • Leo will stop prefacing every question with “I have a question, . . .”
  • People putting their pronouns in their social media bios will become commonplace.
    • — Alumnus Erik Bearman
  • People will no longer have a preference for toilet paper; we’re used to taking whatever we can get on the shelves. 
  • Disney+, Netflix, or Hulu? Depending on your answer, we may or may not get along.
    • — Senior Sara Habibipour
  • Because of the increased lethargic attitudes in students due to online school, public schools will adopt mandatory siestas from 1-3 pm.
    • — Alumnus Hannah Hall
  • People will be elected to public office based on social media followers.
    • — Current Blogger Roman Rickwood
  • Californians will overrun Texas, causing the half the state to petition to be granted new statehood with the threat of secession should their request be denied.
    • — Alumnus Elizabeth Shay
  • Conservatives will gain full control of the government and establish prohibition, . . . for social media.
    • — Alumnus Jake Sonderman
  • In the new roaring 20s, dogs will be much sadder because all of their masters decided they’d like to go back out now instead of being with them all day.
    • — Alumnus Dog-Lover Evan Spry


The Houses of the Zodiac and What They Mean for You

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By Jessica Denyer, Amateur Astrologer

Welcome back!

I hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving break under the rambunctious Leo moon. 

Today I am going to be talking about the different houses of the zodiac. 

Jesse, what does that even mean? you might ask.

Let me explain. 

It is a division of the zodiac signs into 12 different houses that is less dependent on date and more dependent on time and location of your birth. If you’ve ever had your birth chart read, you should have a sign in every planet. That planet and sign are in a corresponding house. You can have multiple houses in one planet, and every house has a meaning. This seems very confusing, but once I start explaining, I think you will understand. So let’s jump right in.

House 1

House 1, also known as the House of Self, controls how you feel about yourself and your appearance, the first impressions you make, your sense of identity and your approach to life. For example, my 1st House is in Taurus, and it is my ascending sign meaning that I am always in search of love even of self, and prefer to be natural over fake. I prefer to enjoy life while using all of the senses. I tend to be rather cold seeming and hard headed, and I will do anything to chase a personal goal. 

House 2

House 2, also known as the House of Value, controls how you view money, work, and values; it also controls your preference of daily routines, habits, and priorities. It also controls how you view your material possessions. My 2nd House is in Gemini, meaning I tend to show my love for others through money and material possessions. Gift giving is my love language. This sounds very cold, but it is how I show my affection, and I put a lot of meaning and thought into gift giving. I am also very fastidious with my routines and live by habit.

House 3

House 3, also known as the House of Sharing, controls your mind and how you think and communicate. It also controls how you handle social activities and situations. My 3rd House is in Cancer, meaning that sometimes I carry heavy emotions in my mind although rarely show them outwards. I am very emotionally aware in social situations and have a great sense of emotional range. 

House 4

House 4, also known as the House of Home & Family, controls your sense of self within your home. I do not have any signs in the 4th house. 

House 5

House 5, also known as the House of Pleasure, controls your romantic life and how you love. It also controls your sense of creativity and self expression. My 5th House is in Virgo, meaning that I find success through romance, self expression, and creativity. They are my outlets for letting loose and being who I am. 

House 6

House 6, also known as the House of Health, controls your ideas of health and fitness, sense of usefulness, and how you function as a system. I do not have a sign in the 6th House.

House 7

House 7, also known as the House of Balance, controls your relationships in life whether that be a marriage or a business partnership or what have you. I do not have a sign in the 7th House.

House 8

House 8, also known as the House of Transformation, controls how you show intimacy and how you deal with joint ventures with others. My 8th house is in Sagittarius meaning that I am down for team work as long as both sides of the work are equal, that goes for relationships as well. I will give it my all as long as the other person does too. 

House 9

House 9, also known as the House of Purpose, controls your sense of purpose, your philosophies in life, and the wisdom you hold and use. I do not have a sign in the 9th House.

House 10

House 10, also known as the House of Enterprise, controls your likely career, long term goals, structure, and sense of reputation. My 10th House is in Aquarius, meaning that I am steadfast in my goals and will work endlessly to complete them and complete them the right way. I am extremely structured and hate when my structure is disturbed. 

House 11

House 11, also known as the House of Blessings, controls your hopes and wishes for the future. My 11th House is in Pisces, meaning that I have a mediocre sense of hope and optimism by nature, and I tend to always expect the worst and try to rebel against things that will make me happy in the end–as weird as that sounds. Love a good self sabotage. 

House 12

House 12, also known as the House of Sacrifice, controls your beliefs, karma, and sense of healing and closure. My 12th House is in Aries which means that I tend to deal with things rather quickly and never take time to dwell on things or receive healing and closure. However, I do spend a lot of time fantasizing about my dreams hoping they will one day come to fruition. 

So that’s it! Want to know more about your houses? Email me the date/time/place of your birth, and I can tell you all you need to know about your chart. Come back next week where I will be doing the next installment of Crystal of the Month. We’ll look at one of my favorite crystals: aquamarine.

Thanks for reading!

Your Amatuer Astrologist Jesse

And then there were four . . .

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It’s College Football Postseason! Roman, our sports enthusiast, has the rundown on the conference championships leading into the bowls. — Ike Spry, Editor

By Roman Rickwood, Sports Enthusiast

Last Saturday began the first weekend of the postseason, and three out of the five conference championship games had major playoff implications. With there only being one undefeated team in the top 4, nothing was set in stone. The three important conference championships were the Big 12 Championship, the Big 10 Championship, and the SEC Championship. 

In the Big 12 Championship we had Baylor (10-2)  vs. Oklahoma State (11-1). With a win, the Oklahoma State Cowboys should have been a sure in for the playoff. But, they lost. It was a very dramatic loss. They lost on the last play of the game. They came up nine inches short, just a breath from a touchdown. 

Next we had the Big 10 Championship game between #2-ranked Michigan and the come-from-behind underdog Iowa, who looked like they were surely down and out until just the right teams lost last week. Michigan stomped Iowa, 42-3.

Then we had, what I believed to be the most competitive game, #1-ranked Georgia vs. #2 Alabama for the SEC Championship. This was the third meeting between the two teams in the last four years. Alabama was 3-0 against the Dawgs; now, they are 4-0. (Despite Georgia being favored by one touchdown.) Alabama had to win to be in the playoff. Now, they are #1 nationally. These were the three most important conference championships out of the power-five conferences. These games were very close and incredibly competitive–in the first halves. 

2021 SEC Championship Game: Georgia vs. Alabama matchup set after Crimson Tide clinch SEC West - CBSSports.com

After this weekend the playoff rankings are now set: #1. Alabama, #2. Michigan, #3. Georgia, #4. Cincinnati. Alabama is playing Cincinnati in the Cotton Bowl at AT&T Stadium in Dallas, and Georgia is playing Michigan in Hard Rock Stadium in Miami; both games are on New Year’s Eve. My way-too-early prediction for these games is that both Georgia and Alabama will outmatch their opponents and meet again in the national-title game in Indianapolis on January 10. 

From the Archives:

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Non-COVID-19 Passports That Reduce Your Risk to Society

A prompt inspired by Zach Zimmerman from the April 19, 2021, New Yorker

Image may contain Human Person and Text
Illustration by Luci Gutiérrez
  • While electronic vaccine passports are being debated, consensus is forming around several other passports that would communicate the level of danger you pose to the world. Here are some “passports” from The New Yorker and thebirdonfire.org staffers:

Flip-Flops Passport

Discloses when you last wore flip-flops in a non-nautical setting.

Sobbed-During-“Nomadland” Passport

Identifies that you cried during Swankie’s farewell monologue.

Magic-Trick-on-a-First-Date Passport

Confirms that you have never performed a card trick on a first date with a potential romantic partner.

From alumnus Erik Bearman:

Joe-Mama Passport

Documents how often you tell jokes about someone’s moms.

From senior Sara Habibipour:

Unseasoned Chicken Passports

Documents what spices you use to season your chicken. If you only use salt…get out. 

Toilet-Paper Hogger

Documents how much toilet paper you hoarded from the shelves. Don’t think that we didn’t notice, Karen…

From current blogger Roman Rickwood:

Do-you-even-lift bro passport

Confirms that you are telling the truth about your PRs in the gym.

From alumnus Hannah Hall:

Long-time-no-see Passport

Marks the amount of times you have told an old friend you should “get coffee sometime” and not spoken ever again.

From alumnus Elizabeth Shay:

5-Second Rule Passport

Demonstrates the last time you have justified consumption of a fallen food using this “foolproof” argument.

From alumnus Jake Sonderman:

Dasani Passport

Confirms that you drink Dasani water. Gross. 

Diet Coke Passport

“I have never seen a thin person drinking diet coke.” – Donald J Trump

Country-Music Passport

This passport gets you discounts on Stagecoach tickets but doesn’t let you within 200 miles of the Capitol Building.

From alumnus Evan Spry:

Dog-Approval Passport

A passport that discloses the overwhelming opinion that dogs have about you.

Don’t Try to Lie to this Genshin Impact Character: She’ll Find You Out

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Below, Izumi details one of her favorite Genshin Impact characters, Mona. Learn who Mona is and what she stands for in the latest Genshin impact character blog post. — Ike Spry, Editor

By Izumi, Middle-School Gaming Correspondent

Welcome! Today I will be talking about one of my favorite Genshin Impact characters. Meet Astrologist Mona Megistus.

If you ever met Mona, you would know she is one to take her passion seriously. When it comes to astrology, she is very knowledgeable. She unites her astrology abilities with hydromancy (hydro power), which makes her popular or well known. In Genshin Impact, any vision, let alone a hydro-power vision, is rare. Mona has other skills. She can tell if people are lying or not, sense a person’s intentions and tell someone’s fate accurately. She can even–and here likely she gets her title–deduce a person’s personality from knowing their constellation (fandom.com).

Mona gets a sense of pride from her work with astrology, but the work serves as a double-edged sword. Whenever Mona gets her hands on mora (currency), she immediately spends it on astrology-related materials (fandom.com). Mona doesn’t exactly have a lot of Mora, but she tells herself, “It matters not. Astrologers must rid themselves of material desires. Only by ridding oneself of clutter can one see the true world around them” (fandom.com). However, Mona always forgets about the things she needs for daily survival. Sometimes she doesn’t have shelter. Sometimes she spends days without food. When Mona does have currency, she is very picky and gets only small simple dishes. Note: she does not tolerate people who disrespect her or make fun of her lack of material goods.

Mona by Izumi

Coaching Carousel

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Round and round we go. The college football world was shaken up this week as some of the most famous coaches made some surprising multimillion-dollar team changes. Sports enthusiast Roman gives us all the juicy details about these mind blowing deals. — Jessica Denyer, Editor

By Roman Rickwood, Sports Enthusiast

As the regular season for college football comes to a close, we are left with far more questions than answers. The biggest questions that had to be answered all surrounded the issue of coaching. There were two big coaching jobs open, USC’s and LSU’s. These programs are historic and are known for producing some of the best players in the NFL. It was only two years ago that LSU found themselves National Champions, destroying everyone in their path by significant margins. However, that success was short-lived as many of their players went on to the NFL (where they continue to dominate). There has been much speculation on who would take over the helm at LSU; however, we did not hear much about who USC would hire. 

Lincoln Riley Named New USC Football Head Coach - USC Athletics
New USC Coach Lincoln Riley

USC in my opinion went out and made a statement, and I truly believe it will be the hire that takes them back to the top of college football. USC hired Oklahoma coach Lincoln Riley early Monday morning, and he landed in LA later that day. He had one of the more mind-blowing contracts, and it is now obvious why he made the move. USC offered a contract that allegedly includes a 121-million-dollar contract (roughly 12 million dollars a year); the university purchased both of his homes in Oklahoma for roughly $500,000 over asking price (a million dollar bonus); and, to help him settle in to the city of angels, the university bought him a 6-million-dollar house in Los Angeles. If he ever gets bored of LA, the university also granted him 24/7 access to the university’s private jet. If this was not enough incentive for Lincoln Riley, he has ready access to a conference championship every year and a significantly easier path to making the playoffs. Oklahoma, on the other hand, will join the hardest conference in the country starting next year. Overall, I believe USC will be back in the national conversation in less than three years. When a coach like Lincoln Riley is at the helm, he will surely attract the best of the best–coaches and players. 

Lincoln Riley's hiring a relief for those who cherish USC - Los Angeles Times
Lincoln Riley moves to USC.

The biggest surprise move by coaches, however, was Brian Kelly being named as the next football coach of LSU. Brian Kelly has been in the midwest his entire coaching career, and this season he earned the record of winningest football coach in Notre Dame history. While his contract details are not explicit, I believe this move has far less to do with money and more to do with winning a national championship. At Notre Dame it is incredibly difficult to compete in the playoffs as Notre Dame is one of two schools who does not participate in any league. As well, the significant academic standards required of Notre Dame athletes are rigorous. While I do not know how this move will work out, it is obvious that Brian Kelly is a world-class football coach and has made Notre Dame what it is today. I am a little intrigued to see how a coach like Brian Kelly will do recruiting in the Deep South against some of the greatest recruiters in the country. I believe that this could turn into a University of Florida issue, where they had a phenomenal coach, but the coach was unable to get elite players. 

Brian Kelly can recruit like a champion at LSU, and he'll have to deliver a championship | Sporting News
Coach Brian Kelly moves to LSU.

While these hires may have answered the question for two historic football powerhouses as to who will steer the ship, it leaves questions for the two programs losing their coaches. Oklahoma has lost most of its assistant coaches, as they were brought to LA with Lincoln Riley. I can only speculate that Notre Dame will hire within their organization, or will hire a coach with strong connections within the Catholic world. As for Oklahoma, boy, it is going to be a rough next couple of years. When they lost their coach they lost a ton of incoming talent, as happens anytime a coach takes another job. Not to mention Oklahoma begins competing in the SEC next year, and has to compete week in and week out against some of the best teams in the country. I imagine these programs are hoping for the best, expecting the worst.                      

Brian Kelly Named 34th LSU Football Head Coach

Isabella with the Words

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Congratulations to Palm Valley School’s US Poetry Recitation winner: Senior Isabella Goetschel. Isabella recited “Epitaph” by 17th-century poet Katherine Philips. In a striking twist of fate, Isabella was also selected Audience Favorite. Second Place went to Sophomore Indy Behr with a recitation of “be careful” by poet Ed Roberson. The Third Place recitation went to Freshman Lily Jones with “Poor Angels” by poet Edward Hirsch.

On the Friday before Thanksgiving break, the Upper School gathered for Poetry Recitation Finals in the Gym. Eleven finalists competed before judges Ms. Bernstein, Ms. Maguire, and Mr. Richardt. The judging criteria was that of Poetry Out Loud.

Isabella will advance to Riverside County Poetry Out Loud. She is our Palm Valley School representative. She will recite two poems before a panel of judges. If she wins, she advances to State Poetry Out Loud competition. Indiana serves as our alternate.

Shape Up Your Crystals

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By Jessica Denyer, Crystal Connoisseur 

In this week’s post, Jesse talks about different crystal shapes and their spiritual connotations. Different crystal shapes can invoke metaphysical change, such as a heightened ability to manifest, love yourself, and be an active spirit in society. — Ike Spry, Editor

Welcome back!

I hope everyone enjoyed the last post about the different teachers’ zodiac signs, and have been judging them ever since. This week I am going to be talking about crystals and what their different shapes can mean. Now of course every crystal is different, but sometimes you can buy them in specific shapes, and those shapes actually add meaning (and usually value) to the crystal. So let’s jump right in!

Merkaba

healingcrystals.com

The word Merkaba is actually made up of three separate words with three separate meanings:
“mer” meaning light, “ka” meaning spirit, and “ba” meaning body–in what is believed to be Egyptian. When you put the three words together, it means the union of the spirit and one’s body, surrounded by light (symbolsage.com). This is known to be an extremely powerful symbol. It is made up of two tetrahedrons that create a three-dimensional energy field. The symbol represents purity and divine energy. If you ever go somewhere that sells crystals, you will likely find crystals in the form of a Merkaba, and they will likely be more expensive. When you buy a Merkaba made of some sort of crystal, what you are receiving is an energy field of your crystal’s properties. So let’s say you buy a Merkaba of rose quartz. If you wear it, or keep it in your room, you will receive an energy field of love and self love, meaning it will surround you and provoke your body and spirit to love. If you want to completely encompass a crystal’s properties, I would recommend buying that crystal in a Merkaba necklace. 

Pyramid

Crystals in a pyramid shape are known to enhance manifestation powers. Usually you will only find crystal pyramids made out of good manifestation crystals like citrine or green aventurine. The strong base of the pyramid acts to ground yourself so you can see clearly what you would like to manifest, while the pointy top helps you send this manifestation up and out to the universe. In the center of my crystal collection is my pyramid of opalite. Opalite is great for optimism, hope, and new beginnings. As someone who gets bored with life easily, and needs a lot of motivation to be optimistic, I decided to get a pyramid of opalite; I’m always ready for a new beginning and need to learn to be more optimistic, and through manifestation I have been seeing both come to life. 

Opalite pyramid crystal found at Etsy.com

Sphere

Crystals in the form of a sphere are extremely powerful. They are meant to remind you that you are a part of a greater whole than just your being. You are a functioning part of society and an active spirit in the universe. I’ve seen spherical crystals of all kinds. It depends what energy you want to help spread through your spirit into the universe. Quick story–Remember the man from my moldavite story whose dreams all came true from his use of moldavite? That guy also bought a $3,500 sphere of chevron amethyst about twice the size of the average bowling ball while working at the crystal shop. Chevron amethyst is meant to help you grow towards a higher potential and to help you expand spiritually. He was so excited to buy specifically a giant sphere of chevron amethyst because he said he was going to use it to “get closer to his truer self,” whatever that means. But that guy seems to live a very amazing and enlightened life so maybe he’s onto something. 

amazon.com

So that’s it! Not only do crystals have their own powers, but the shape of the crystal adds even more meaning. Come back next week where I will be talking about the different planets and what they rule in the zodiac. 

Thanks for reading!

Jesse your Crystal Connoisseur 

What’s Wrong with the Rams?

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Roman came dressed to Celebrity Day as Jalen Ramsey, Rams cornerback #5. He says Ramsey is the only player that looks like he cares. To say the least, Roman is disappointed with the Rams season so far.

By Roman Rickwood, Sports Enthusiast

The Rams are not a very good football team. They have an incredible head coach; the league leader in receiving yards Cooper Kupp; not to mention the newest addition, Odell Beckham, Jr.; and–at least on paper–a stellar defense, with headlining names like Aaron Donald, Jalen Ramsey, and the newly acquired Von Miller. So, why aren’t they better? 

Aside from their winning record of 7-3, the Rams look like losers across the board. The first loss of the season came against division-rival Arizona Cardinals at the Rams’ brand new stadium, and, boy, was it a bad loss. The offense looked terrible, out of sync, and the defense looked lifeless and like they did not care. This was the first big test that the Rams faced this season, and they failed miserably: the defense showed its weakness, and the offense showed their flaws. It was a blowout loss to a very good team; however, it might have been a sign for things to come.

The Rams went on to win their next four games playing teams with losing records: the Seahawks, the Giants, the Lions, and the Texans. They won all four, but they only won 3 out of 4 convincingly and with ease. 

NFL.com

Their next midseason test was once again at home to the red hot Titans. In this game, I will give credit to the defense as they played all right. The Rams struggled to get anything going and lost 28-16. In the long season of the NFL, losses are inevitable, and I think everyone believed the Rams would bounce back from this loss. 

On the Tuesday after the loss, the Rams embraced their LA-ness and went out and got a controversial huge name superstar in Odell Becham, Jr.–perhaps the most LA person ever. 

The Rams had another test against a beat-up San Francisco team last Monday night, and once again appeared to not show up to the stadium. The game started eerily similar to the week prior with two quick interceptions, one resulting in a touchdown. The Ram’s defense looked terrible, and it appeared as if they did not want to make adjustments or even tackle the guy with the ball. This was another embarrassing loss and another lackluster performance by both offense and defense. 

There is not a whole lot of explanation for what is going wrong because when you have that much individual talent, you should be playing better. The Rams will need to start playing as a team if they want to even be considered a Superbowl contender. They are off this week and return next week against the Packers in Green Bay. (Great.)

Jalen Ramsey at turfshowtimes.com