airlines Archives - the bird on fire

–by Gaven Li

Jordan King, one of our sophomores, wrote this interesting poem, “How to Be an Airline Company,” for a school assignment when he was in eighth grade. He brought it to Ms. Zachik’s attention during Poetry Recitation (as in “Can I recite my own poem?!”). We are happy to share his poem today–especially since he was voted Audience Favorite at Monday’s CSF-sponsored Poetry on the Green. CSF awarded Jordan a Starbucks Reward Card for his poetic inventiveness.

How to be an Airline Company

Delay flights–
Or Cancel them if you want.

Make everyone pay the price
And wait hours to get to their paradise.

Make leg-room the length of a worm;
Make money off of people’s misery.
Be the Kanye West of travel,

And don’t give a crap about your customers.
You’ve already been paid,
And still charge for every little thing
Passengers will be forced to buy anyway.

Charge another thousand to make everything just a little less uncomfortable
And you’ll get a glass of water.
People won’t have any other choice.

You’re the only criminal allowed on board,
Thank you, TSA.

Make sure there’s a re-booking center;
If you don’t have one, all your employees will probably quit.

Make the aisles look like walkways for pets
your customers will have to painfully dawdle down.

All that’s okay,
Because at the end of the day
Your paycheck will be as big as San José.

–Jordan King

About this poem: “I wrote the poem in 8th grade for a school assignment,” said Jordan. “The criteria for the poem was it had to be a ‘how to’ poem; it had to tell you how to do something. I made it a satirical poem which makes generalizations about airlines.” What made him write about the airline company? I asked. “I chose to write it about this because of my previous experience with American Airlines; they cancelled my flight. Today, I think it’s an OK poem; it’s funny and straight to the point. It’s just me complaining but in a somewhat poetic way.”

Thanks Jordan, great poem!

–by Amber Zheng

The holidays are coming. You’re making your plane reservations to see your family across the country. Many people complain about the strange rules of airlines. Undeniably, a lot of rules on airplanes do seem ridiculous. However, every one of these absurd rules is designed with the intent to save lives. Today, we are going to explain reasons behind some of these rules.

The roof of this plane was ripped off at 23, 950 feet. Passengers survived . . . because they had their seat belts on. “Please move about the cabin with care.”

1. The flight attendant tells you: “All window shades have to be open on take-offs and landings.” You’ve been reading or sleeping and don’t want the blinding light of the sun coming up. Most airplane accidents happen on these two occasions–when taking off or landing. Open window shades make sure the lighting conditions inside the cabin are the same as the lighting conditions outside and give passengers visual access to the outside. If an emergency occurs, passengers are then adjusted to the lights outside and are aware of things that are happening outside so that the bailout can be more efficient. Moreover, rescuers are able to observe the situation inside through the windows so that they can conduct rescues better at accidents.

2. The loud speaker barks at you: “Luggage and other belongings have to be kept in designated places.” Your carry-on has to be stored in the overhead bin or tucked in to the seat in front of you. You want to get to your eyeglasses or gum or favorite book, and now it’s out of reach. Airlines tell us to tuck away carry-ons because doing so prevents luggage from flying crazily about the plane during emergencies. Flight attendants want to make sure nothing’s in the aisles so that people can move as quickly as possible at bailouts.

3. The airline safety video warns you, “Life jackets are not to be inflated before exiting the airplane.” You’re thinking, “Are you kidding me?! I don’t want to be flailing in the Atlantic Ocean trying to inflate a life jacket!” But, the Airlines tell us, if water enters the plane, inflated life jackets will keep people from diving down to escape from the plane. Besides, a person with an inflated life jacket on is very likely to block the emergency exit of the plane.

So, every strange rule . . . has its reason.

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The Poet “King”

Strange Rules on Planes