the bird on fire

The Bird is the Word: Sophisticated Schoolyard Shenanigans

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Powered by Genesis

Stranger Than Fiction

June 4, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Reddit Investigator Brennan Nick

Most people know what The Onion is. It is a “news” source that posts hilariously fictional articles on ridiculous subjects. However, you do not need to look to fiction to laugh at stories that may seem as if they’re fake. Below are some ecstatically funny headlines that were found in actual news sources:

 

1. “Restaurant arms diners with squirt guns to ward off… seagulls”

Source: The Takeout

2. “Farmer accused of shooting murder blames gunfire on eggplant”

Source: 9news

3. “Scientists plan DNA hunt for Loch Ness monster next month”

Source: Reuters

4. “Man rescued from Taliban didn’t believe Donald Trump was President”

Source: Newsweek

5. “Uber’s search for a female CEO has been narrowed down to 3 men”

Source: The Denver Post

6. “Passenger turned away from two flights after wearing 10 layers of clothing to avoid luggage fee”

Source: The Telegraph

7. “UPS loses Family’s $846K Inheritance, Offers to Refund $32 Shipping Fee”

Source: Newsweek

8. “Justin Bieber banned from China in order to ‘purify’ nation”

Source: The Telegraph

9. “NPR tweets the Declaration of Independence, and people freak out about a ‘revolution’”

Source: The Kansas City Star

10. “Man who mowed lawn with tornado behind him says he ‘was keeping an eye on it.’”

Source: Times Colonist

11. “Ferry McFerryface to be name of new Sydney ferry after public vote”

Source: ABC News

12. “Alt-Right White Supremacists Claim Papa John’s as Official Pizza”

Source: Newsweek

13. “White supremacists taking DNA tests sad to discover they’re not 100% white”

Source: Global News

14. “Palestinian judge bans divorce during Ramadan because ‘people make hasty decisions when they’re hungry’”

Source: Independent

15. “After 4th DWI, man argues legal limit discriminates against alcoholics”

Source: Statesman

16. “Argentinian officers fired after claiming mice ate half a ton of missing marijuana”

Source: The Guardian

17. “‘Nobody kill anybody’: Murder-free weekend urged in Baltimore”

Source: The Baltimore Sun

18. “Texas judge interrupts jury, says God told him defendant is not guilty”

Source: Statesman

19. “Saudi Arabia accidentally prints textbook showing Yoda sitting next to the king”

Source: The Telegraph

20. “‘Japan’s slowest roller coaster’” derails, passengers don’t notice”

Source: Sora News 24

 

Editor: AJ Patencio

Filed Under: Culture, Current News, Media, Satire, The World, Uncategorized Tagged With: Brennan Nick, Stranger Than Fiction

Two Doors

May 31, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

A pocket poem by Brennan Nick

 

Two doors–left and right,

Each in equal rank and light,

One was bad, though I couldn’t flee,

The other good, though I didn’t see.

Without this insight,

I chose the bad,

which did invite the tragedy I had.

Editor: Makena Behnke

Filed Under: Advice, Poetry Tagged With: Brennan Nick, Two Doors

cot vs. caught

May 31, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By House Linguist Brennan Nick

In case you did not know, the people of Shakespeare’s time spoke much differently than we do today. If someone in Shakespeare’s time came today and spoke to you, you may only be able to understand about 75% of what they are saying. However, the year 1600 was “only” about ten generations ago. Now, I personally do not feel like I speak much differently from my parents, let alone Shakespeare. Besides, there have been massive enunciation shifts from Shakespeare’s time to now. So I wondered, what massive sound changes are going on right now?

 

Well, one thing that I learned very recently is the fact that some people pronounce the words “cot” and “caught” differently, while an increasing number of people pronounce them the same. This is called the cot-caught merger. This blew my mind when I learned this because I never realized that we were experiencing sound shifts right now. The difference is between the “aw,” “au,” “al,” and “ought” sounds and the short “o” sounds. The difference can be seen in words like . . .

–“cot” and “caught,”

–”collar” and “caller,”

–”stock” and “stalk,”

–”chock” and “chalk,”

–and ”don” and “dawn.”

 

It used to be that everyone made a distinction between the two different vowel sounds. However, people are increasingly pronouncing those vowel sounds the same. This shift is occurring the most in the Greater Pittsburgh Area and West Virginia, the New England Area, and the entire western half of the USA, with some exceptions such as San Francisco (See map).

With this knowledge, I then decided to collect some data on who pronounced the vowel sounds the same way and who pronounced them differently. So, I went around to many people here in Southern California and had them say these words:

“Rock cot talk rob stalk water

Call stock caught doll also”*

*Unbolded = “cot” sound for all words

Bold = Both “cot” and “caught” sounds used

 

Here is what I found:

People who did make a distinction: 10

People who did not make a distinction: 27

 

Even though I got the data, I still wanted to find some characteristic that determined who made a distinction and who did not. Age did not have to do with it, as there were both teachers and students who made the distinction and did not. What I found to be the greatest determiner was whether or not they were from California or if they were from elsewhere.

 

People who made a distinction and are not from California–8.

People who made a distinction and are from California–2.

People who did not make a distinction and are not from California–7.

People who did not make a distinction and are from California–20.

 

This can be explained by the fact that, in California, the two vowel sounds are merged by most people; whereas the two vowels are largely unmerged in many other areas of the country.

 

All in all, this was a fun experiment.

 

Below is a video where you can “hear” the difference for yourself.

Editor: Leo Milmet

Filed Under: Advice, Culture, Science, The World Tagged With: Brennan Nick, cot vs. caught

Fly Me to the Prom: I PROMise You’ll Love It

May 11, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

Public Service Announcement by Brennan Nick, Blogger and ASB Member

Hey, Guys! As most of you already know, the Palm Valley School Prom is coming up on Saturday, May 26th. This year, prom is going to be better than ever! It’s going to take place at the Palm Springs Air Museum, and the theme is “Fly Me to the Moon.” Dessert will be served at the dance, including a candy bar and chocolate fountain. Now, if you’re wondering if you can bring a date or friend from outside of this school, you’re in luck because guests are allowed to come and enjoy our prom. Take note: guests must be vetted and approved by Ms. Steinman before May 18th. Also, please be sure to buy your tickets as soon as possible! Tickets are being sold before school and during lunch. Until Friday, May 18th, the tickets are $55 for a single and $90 for a pair. The week before prom (Monday, May 21st, to Friday, May 25th) the prices are $60 for a single and $100 for a pair. If you wait until the last minute, tickets sold at the door are $65 for a single and $110 for a pair. Thank you, and I hope to see you all there to enjoy a magical night.

 

Editor: Bella Bier

Filed Under: Culture, Current News, School Events Tagged With: Brennan Nick, Fly Me to the Prom: I PROMise You'll Love It

Fuller-TON of Fun

April 19, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

By Brennan Nick, actor and blogger

The Palm Valley School cast of “Murder, Murder”

Just last month, the Palm Valley School Drama Department went to Fullerton College to compete with over 60 other schools in monologues, scenes, and a musical number–that you saw showcased at morning assembly. This is the Fullerton College Drama Festival. The key word here is “Festival” as it is emphasized that the most important aspect of Fullerton is the festivity of it per se. In other words, it’s all about having fun, and there’s ample opportunity for it. For example, there are songs played in the courtyard to “energy circles” formed by students from dozens of schools.

However, the real reason we’re all at the Festival is for the competition, and Palm Valley School was no slouch. Although we did not place, we had five finalists. To put this into perspective, two years ago we had only one finalist. This year was the first time we ever made it to the finals for a musical number. We did it with Murder, Murder from the play Jekyll and Hyde. Our other finalists included:

–A scene from Almost Maine performed by Lawrence, Shelby, and Josh;

–A scene from Twelfth Night performed by Joe, Aurora, Jordan K., Nathan, and Aidan;

–A monologue from Measure for Measure performed by me, Brennan;

–A monologue from I am not Batman performed by Graham.

None of this would have been possible without the help from Mr. Sarkis and Mr. Gahnz. They are the reason a school as small as ours can compete with schools of thousands of students. These two teachers worked alongside all of us for the month and a half leading up to Fullerton. Here’s to winning trophies next year!

Editor: Makena Behnke

Filed Under: Art-Field Field Trips, Arts & Letters Awards, Culture, Current News, Performances, School Events Tagged With: Brennan Nick, Fuller-TON of Fun, Fullerton Drama Festival

$igns on the Dollar Bill

April 16, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

By Brennan Nick, Resident Historian and Illuminatus

Top: Obverse. Bottom: Reverse

Our One-Dollar Bill seems to be shrouded in mystery. Why does it have Latin phrases like “Annuit Coeptis” or “Novus Ordo Seclorum” written on it? Why does it have a pyramid and the same eye symbol that belongs to the fabled Illuminati? Why did the founders of the United States engrave the dollar bill with these symbols? Well, to begin with, they didn’t. At least not all of it. In fact, the dollar bill that we all know and love today wasn’t put into circulation until 1929. It didn’t even reach its general design until 1935, and even after that its most recent change was in 1963 when they changed the border design of the obverse side of the bill to what we see today with the leaves and the designs around the number one in each of the corners. However, perhaps a more notable change was in 1957 when they added the words “IN GOD WE TRUST” on the reverse side of the bill above the large “ONE.”

Nevertheless, what do the rest of these symbols mean? Well, on the reverse side of the bill there are two circles. Together, they form the Great Seal of the United States. This was made by a group of men–which included Benjamin Franklin. He and others designed the pyramid and the eagle. The circle on the right depicts the bald eagle holding an olive branch and some arrows. The bald eagle itself is only found in North America and is our national animal. It represents victory and courage. Floating in front of the eagle is a shield, which signifies that Americans should rely on their own virtue as the shield does (statesymbolsusa.org). It is also a symbol of how the United States can now stand on its own. On the shield, there is a horizontal bar at the top which symbolizes the federal government and both below it and supporting it are the thirteen vertical stripes which symbolize the states (13 at the time this was made). In the eagle’s mouth is a banner with the words “E PLURIBUS UNUM” which is Latin for “Out of many, one.” Then the eagle’s right talon holds an olive branch, signifying peace while his left holds arrows, signifying war. Not only does the eagle hold the olive branch in the dominant talon, but the eagle’s gaze is also towards the olive branch, away from the arrows. What is being communicated here is that this country wants peace, but is not afraid to fight if need be. Finally, above the eagle are 13 stars symbolizing what we know as the original 13 colonies.

Now, on the left circle of the seal is the pyramid. First thing to take note of is that the face of the pyramid is lighted while the side is darkened, symbolizing how we were entering into the light and leaving the darkness. The cap of the pyramid is then broken off with the all-seeing eye imposed onto it. When the seal was first being designed, they wanted a symbol of divine providence. The all-seeing eye was put there for this as it is an ancient symbol of divinity dating back to Egyptian times. The letters at the base of the pyramid, “MDCCLXXVI” are the Roman numerals for 1776, the year of the Declaration of Independence. Above the pyramid is “ANNUIT COEPTIS,” which is Latin for “God has favored our undertaking,” also hitting the theme of divine providence. Below the pyramid, on a banner, are the Latin words “NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM,” which mean “a new order of the ages.” Now, does this part sound like some sort of a secret society? A little, unless you know what it symbolizes, which is more or less the beginning of the new American Era on this new continent with a new style of government without a king.

Final note, watch the prevalence of the number 13 on our dollar bill. Remember, it corresponds to the original 13 states/colonies.

  • There are 13 letters in the Latin ANNUIT CŒPTIS (the “Œ” is a two-letter ligature of “OE”).
  • There are 13 letters in the Latin E PLURIBUS UNUM.
  • There are 13 stars above the Eagle.
  • There are 13 plumes of feathers on each span of the Eagle’s wing.
  • There are 13 bars on the shield, representing the original colonies united in defense.
  • There are 13 leaves on the olive branch, representing the original colonies’ desire for peace.
  • There are 13 fruits, representing the prosperity of the  original colonies.
  • And, finally, there are 13 arrows (if you look closely) representing the united colonies’ preparedness to fight for the common defense.

This 1780 New Hampshire bank note appeared in circulation four years after the beginning of The Revolutionary War.

 

 

 

 

*statesymbolsusa.org referenced.

 

Editor: Renée Vazquez

Filed Under: Culture, Mystery, Politics, The World Tagged With: Brennan Nick, Dollar $igns

The Story of Me at the BNP

April 12, 2018 by szachik@pvs.org 3 Comments

By Brennan Nick

In March’s BNP Paribas Open, the top tennis players from around the world all compete, with the goal of winning the tennis tournament and the prize money that comes with it.

I, along with many others, was given the unique opportunity to be a ball kid for this Indian Wells international tennis tournament, a tournament attended by people such as Serena Williams and Roger Federer. As ball kids, we get unique opportunities to see the behind-the-scenes occurrences of the tournament. We go through the tunnels that the players go through; we are the ones who give the player the balls to be autographed and hit into the stands; and we’re the ones who are sent to get a player’s racket to be re-strung. This gives us ample opportunity to see the top players of the world up close. It is like being the water-boy for the NFL or NBA. Even when we’re on one of our one-hour breaks, we get to experience the atmosphere of the tournament, talk with friends there, and we even get $18 worth of free food per shift. A normal shift for us consists of going to the ball kid tent, completely fitted with water, some food, and a ping-pong table. We’re then told which court we’ll be on. We’re on court duty typically for one to one-and-a-half hours, and then we have roughly  45-minute breaks until we go on again. This pattern is repeated for six hours until the end of our shift, when we return to the tent to be checked out before we leave.

The results of the tournament–the winner of the Men’s Singles was Juan Martin del Potro after a dramatic battle with Roger Federer in the finals. The winner of Women’s Singles was Naomi Osaka from Japan who handily defeated Daria Kasatkina. The winners of Women’s Doubles were Ekaterina Makarova and Elena Vesnina, while the winners of Men’s Doubles were John Isner and Jack Sock.

 Editor: Shelby Armor

Filed Under: Current News, Sports Tagged With: BNP, Brennan Nick

About

We are the Palm Valley Firebirds of Rancho Mirage, California. Join us in our endeavors. Venture through the school year with us, perusing the artwork of our students, community, and staff. Our goal is to share the poems, stories, drawings and photographs, essays and parodies that come out of our school. Welcome aboard!