Culture Archives - Page 19 of 21

The things that Ms. America taught me

June 7, 2016 by szachik@pvs.org 5 Comments

–by Senior Blogger Ashley Zhou

Time has fled so fast, and suddenly it’s graduation season. I’ve been in the United States for almost three years. I have experienced both the happiest moments and the hardest times. If I can use a simple phrase to describe what America has taught me over the past three years, I will say, “America has taught me to ‘grow up.'”

I remembered when I first got out of the plane after a twelve-hour flight. I was so happy and excited to meet my first host family. But, things didn’t go as well as I thought. The lady in the little cell asked me about the signature on my I-20. I had no idea what was wrong with it, but something was. So, to put it simply, I was brought to a sealed room with people who looked extremely desperate in it. I was scared and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have an American SIM card, so I had no way to contact my host family and let them know I was detained. So, I did a stupid thing and texted my mom. It was four o’clock in the morning in China, and my mom was worried to death. After waiting for like 20 minutes, they figured out what was going on with my I-20 and let me go. Nothing happened to me, and I met with my host family smoothly. In the evening, I got a message from my dad. He asked me how I was doing and said something I would never forget, “Baby, if you ever encounter something like this in the future, tell me, then we can figure out what to do. Don’t tell your mom. She will be worried, and this is not her fault. She doesn’t know about these situations, and she can’t do anything but be worried about you.” I felt so guilty for letting my mom worry about me. But this is what all mothers do; they worry and worry and worry. So, the second time I got into the secondary room upon arrival in a US airport, I didn’t say anything but let my family know I arrived safely. I’ve learned how to protect my family.

As we grow up, we see other people and ourselves in different lights. We are getting to know more about ourselves and have a more clear idea about who we want to be in the future. What I want to say is that in America, everyone’s talent is valued. There are artists, athletes, politicians, actors, writers, bookworms, scientists, musicians, and multipotentialites (elites who have multiple skills and potentials) in our school. They can be extroverts or introverts, and that doesn’t really matter. Even the slightest advantage in one person can be enlarged and appreciated. It sounds so easy a concept, but it is so hard to achieve and once achieved, it is actually amazing. I wonder so many times why my poor Chinese peers have to live a different life. Parents don’t understand that behind the ruthless and meaningless competitions between grades, their kids’ talents have been depraved.

Human beings tend to bully the weak and fear the strong. This is a universal phenomenon. But, I also have learned that this is totally wrong. Nobody should ever think or act this way. Being kind doesn’t mean being weak, and being rude doesn’t mean being strong. I hope everyone thinks the best of everyone. I guess this is called maturity.

These are some precious lessons I’ve learned from Ms. America, and I am sure there’s more to learn about growing up.

–Edited by Jordan King

The Same But Not the Same

June 3, 2016 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

–by Blog Philosopher Jordan King

The ancient thought experiment Ship of Theseus made famous by Plutarch asks a much-debated question. It asks whether a ship that has all its components replaced, one by one, is still the same ship. How can a ship with all new parts still be the same ship? This introduces a puzzling dilemma about living forever. We may see in the distant (or not-so-distant) future the technology of uploading consciousnesses of dying people into a robot or even another human body. We may also see pills which allow people to live indefinitely, but for indefinite living to be possible the people taking ever-life pills would have to replace eventually all of their body parts as the old ones wear out. How can a person with an entirely new body still be the same person?

The conundrum, if an object has all of its components replaced, is it fundamentally the same object?

Let’s start off with the ship; it’s easier for now. To be able to answer the question of whether the Ship of Theseus is wholly original or wholly different, you would need to know what makes a ship a ship. Is a ship the sum of its parts, or is a ship an overall structure? If you were to take the original pieces of the disassembled Ship of Theseus and build it into a second ship, would it be the same ship? Do the pieces define the originality?

Or, if you replace the original pieces with identical new pieces while retaining identical structure, is it a new ship? Or, the original ship? I would say the original ship replaced with new pieces would be the real one. I say this for two reasons. First off, the ship would have exactly the same structure. Replacing each piece one by one would stay more true to the initial structure of the ship than it would to rebuild the ship completely. Secondly, when you are replacing each piece with a new piece, at what point does the ship cease to be the same ship? The first piece being replaced wouldn’t make it a new ship, nor the second. The ship’s only identity is The Ship of Theseus, nothing else; the ship has no thoughts, no personality, and no persona. The ship’s sole purpose of existence is its use as a ship, to transport goods and/or people. If you rebuild the ship using the same parts after the original ship was replaced with new parts, the rebuilt ship wouldn’t be original. It’s identity is not the same because it doesn’t exist in the same location. If the ship had a soul, the ship with the new pieces would be original because it has the same existence, purpose, and structure. It has the Same identity.

People do change though. They grow older; their skin falls off; their hair falls out, and their cells replace themselves. Almost all cells die and replace themselves every 10 years, with the exception of the nervous system, female gametes, and lens cells, which take a lifetime to replace.

Here is a chart from bionumbers.org, of the amount of time cells take to replace themselves:

So, every 10 years you are a completely different person (when it comes to what you’re made of). But… It’s not just your body parts that are different; you actually change psychologically, too. Your personality will change dramatically over the next decade (Time.com). You’re not the same as your four-year-old self; you are more mature (hopefully), and you are smarter with more life experience.

When we are able to transfer human consciousnesses onto machines or take pills to live forever, we will be different people. But we already become different people every 10 or so years. Nothing has changed. When we are able to live forever, we’ll still change, just a lot more, as we will be alive hundreds or even thousands of years. Five-hundred-year-old you won’t be anything like you were in your teens.

5 Technologies That Will Change The Way We Live

June 1, 2016 by szachik@pvs.org 3 Comments

–by Blog Technology Correspondent Jordan King

Tired of driving in traffic? Weary of going to the post office to pick up a package? Do you wish you could sit court side to watch Steph shoot those waaayyy outside shots? Jordan says times they are a-changing. We’re in the middle of the technological revolution, a cyber renaissance.

Technology makes our lives better in so many ways. It allows us the get places quicker; it allows us to access information faster; it lets us interact with the world in an entirely new way. The near future will bring several game-changing technologies to the main stage. Here are five technologies–already in development–that will change the way we live.

#5. Drones

The idea of a sky filled with drones may seem a little scary at first, but small drones (not the large ones often used in the military) could change the way we get stuff. Drone delivery is going to be a reality in the very near future. Amazon drones are already working; the only thing in the way is FCC regulation. Most likely, within the next five years, drones will be approved for commercial use in our air space, and you’ll be able to receive a package in a matter of minutes or hours.

Drone deliveries will change the way we live because people will be able to receive things without leaving the house. If there aren’t any stores nearby that sell what you need, you can get it. If you needed something but are too busy to go out, you can get it. Imagine looking out your front window, and you see a drone approaching, closer and closer. The dog is barking crazily. The drone comes in for a landing, and you see suddenly the orange of the Amazon logo. Then you realize, it’s not your creepy neighbors or the NSA spying on you, it’s your order of New York Times best-selling books deposited at your doorstep.

#4. Virtual Reality and Augmented Reality

Virtual Reality headsets immerse you in another world. Wearing VR headsets is like sitting right in front of a 4K HDTV but better; the picture surrounds you. Virtual Reality puts you IN the picture. In a Virtual Reality basketball game, you can sit court side, see Steph Curry make the game-winning basket, then you can turn around and see the reaction of the stands. Look up, and you see the score is tied on the JumboTron. Gaming, nature shows, movies, sports events are now more realistic than ever.

Augmented Reality has been much less successful than Virtual Reality, but it could be even more useful. Augmented Reality could be game-changing to education. It will change the way students learn and their learning environment. Students will be able to interact with problems in new ways, and teachers will be able to make learning environments more interactive and creative. The digital and physical world intertwine, and concepts come to life. For example, students can record themselves defining vocabulary words. Later, other students can access the Aurasma app to see their peers’ image pop up with a recorded definition. Educators call this a Word Wall. Imagine an avatar teaching you the latest Calculus theorem. One app, PhotoMath, allows a student to take a picture of a math problem, submit it, and PhotoMath will walk that student through the steps of solving the problem. Virtual teachers teach flesh-and-blood students. Here’s a video of it in action.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=TyXePLD54uU

#3. Self-Driving Cars

Self-driving cars are already fully operational. They’re legal in seven states and DC. Self-driving cars will change the ridesharing industry. Uber plans to start phasing out its human drivers with self-driving cars in the next decade. Uber would be able to cut its fares in half after phasing out human drivers.

Self-driving cars will change how we get around. Car ownership will decrease drastically as people switch to the ease of ride-sharing services and expanded public transportation.

#2. The Hyperloop

Transportation needs to be drastically improved. How we get around is behind the times. We have been getting around the same way for nearly 100 years. That’s where the Hyperloop comes in. The Hyperloop will allow people to travel at 800 miles per hour. With the Hyperloop, you can travel from LA to San Francisco in half an hour.

The effects of the Hyperloop would be enormous. People will be able to get places faster than ever before. You would be able to live in LA and work in San Francisco. You’ll be able to cheer on your grandchildren’s Little League game in Santa Barbara and still make your tee time for 9 holes back in the desert. Distance will become less and less an issue, and people will be more connected than ever.

#1. Artificial Intelligence

Without a doubt, the single technology that will impact people the most is artificial intelligence. Every single item on this list relies on virtual intelligence to operate. Artificial intelligence will soon be able to learn from itself and get smarter. This is how self-driving cars are getting more accurate. The more Tesla’s cars are driven by their owners, the smarter they get. The more Amazon’s drones are used, the more efficient they become. Artificial intelligence is gathering data, refining data, learning. Technology may one day, be smarter than humans.

The Impact of the Digital Age on Adolescence?

May 26, 2016 by szachik@pvs.org 1 Comment

–A Blog Survey

The showing of the movie Screenagers on campus last Wednesday got us talking about the impact of computers, laptops, tablets, smart phones, video games, and television on teenagers. Many families, educators, and psychologists worry about the effect of teenagers staring at a screen for hours a day. Thebirdonfire Blog team wanted to know: Who calls the shots in your life? You or your Smart Phone?

We asked around the PVS Upper School, “Do you think you’re experiencing enough face-to-face social interaction? (Or, are you just staring at your screen all day?)

54% in the Upper School surveyed said, “Yes,” they get enough face-to-face time.
23% said, “Yes and No. ” They thought they met with enough interaction IN SCHOOL, but OUT OF SCHOOL, they were spending significant time in front of the screen. Henry Huang said, “In school, we have all these people we talk with about life, school, events. We have friends outside of school, but, perhaps ironically, we converse with them via text, email, SnapChat, Twitter.”
15% surveyed said, “No,” teenagers today are not connecting enough with humans.

We asked, “Hey! Whose responsibility is it to pay attention in class?”

54% answered resoundingly, “The student’s!”
46% said, “It’s BOTH the student’s and teacher’s responsibility.” Jordan King answered, “It’s up to the student to not use devices. It’s up to the teacher to engage students.”
NOBODY thought it was the teacher’s job exclusively. Everybody thought the student should take at least some responsibility for attentiveness.

When asked if cell phones should be banned in schools, the PVS Upper School responded 62% of the time, “NO.”
31% thought there should be parameters, or, yes, ban them in class, but not on campus.
Only one person answered, “Yes, ban ’em.”

When asked how much intervention do you want from parents and adults in monitoring your screen-time, 39% answered, “None. Leave me alone.”
54% thought a gentle reminder might be helpful or welcome. Jacob Langlois said, “Monitoring would be acceptable, . . . If I was 8!”
One adult said, “Monitoring is important.”

When asked if indeed our “lives” on social media have become a competitive sport and a popularity contest, 86% of females polled said, “Yes, of course.” Every boy, on the other hand, scratched his head and asked, confusedly, “What do you mean a competitive sport?”

The documentary Screenagers states kids spend on average 6.5 hours a day in front of screens BEYOND doing their homework or school work. When we asked “How much time do you spend in front of a screen daily (excluding class/homework time),” responses ranged from 2 to 6.5 hours a day.

When we asked how many hours do you spend daily playing video games, the girls overwhelmingly said, “0.” The boys averaged 1 to 3 hours a day gaming.
So, if you’re not zoning out in front of a screen, what are you doing? We asked. The replies? “Reading.” “Playing guitar.” “Snacking.” “Talking to my parents.” “Hanging out with my friends.” “Researching the stock market.” “Playing baseball.” “Doing homework.”

Does it add up? 8 hours a day in school. 6.5 hours in front of a screen. Hours a night doing homework, playing baseball, guitar, talking, eating. These are long days in the Digital Age. Perhaps our days are long because studies show our Digital Age has extended into our nights. Three quarters of young people fall asleep at night with their cell phone within reach (Huffpost Healthy Living) . . . so they can check Instagram one . . . last . . . time.

Henry’s Odyssey: We Call It “Henryssey”

May 2, 2016 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

Henry, two weeks ago, visited his future alma mater, George Washington University. The flight back to the desert was . . . tumultuous and trying. He was inspired to compose his own Odyssey.

In memory of my 15-hour flight from DC to Palm Springs (or DC to Chicago to Phoenix to Palm Springs), I wrote this parody of Homer’s Odyssey about my trip. I call my new poem “Henryssey,” and I hope men will cry and women will sigh.–Henry Huang

Henryssey

Tell me, O Colombia, of that oriental hero who travelled far and wide after he had visited the famous town of Washington D.C. Many airports did he fly by, and many were the unnamed airports with whose terminals and gates he knew not about; moreover, he suffered much by bad seats and whining kids while trying to fly comfortably and bring himself safely home in one piece; but do what he might he could not conquer the tiredness, for he suffered through his own sheer folly in sitting next to an 18-month-old baby, so his brain prevented him from ever taking a nap. Tell me, too, about all these things, O daughters of Zeus, from whatsoever source you may know them.

So now all who enjoyed adventure in George Washington University and Smithsonian Museums had got safely home except Henry, and he, though he was longing to return to his sweet bed and windy desert, was detained by the American Airlines, who had got him into Chicago and Washington Reagan airport and wanted to detain him. But as hours went by, there came a time when the flights settled that he should go back to Palm Springs; even then, however, when he was on his flight, his troubles were not yet over; nevertheless all the factors had now begun to in favor of him except Mini Pretzels, who still denied him nary a peanut without a stop and would not let him have any other snack option.

Living Poem Day

April 27, 2016 by szachik@pvs.org Leave a Comment

Our first ever Living Poem Day on Friday, April 15, was a rollicking success. Upper School students and teachers wore their favorite words to school: “coagulate,” “platitudinous,” “yield,” “enchant,” “love,” etc. That alone was a joy to English teachers. Then, at lunch, in Ms. Zachik’s room, students and teachers composed lines of verse with their words and
FullSizeRender-16 copy bodies (think of those Word Refrigerator Magnets we use to phrase and re-phrase). We used Applause-o’-Meter to determine the winners. 1st place? Adam McDonald and Elliot McGrew for their sung (yes, in harmony) haiku “Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia (fear of long words) TABLE.” 2nd place went to a Dr. Carr-orchestrated “To enchant, to travel, to . . . fantasize.” Giant bars of chocolate were awarded the two teams. A bowl of taffy went to the Honorable Mention provided by the Baseball Team: “Hold on! Shake and Bake!” The delightful day was the brainchild of Mr. Griffin in celebration of National Poetry Month.

Henry’s Award-Winning Speech!

April 20, 2016 by szachik@pvs.org 2 Comments

–an original speech by Henry Huang

Henry composed this speech on the given topic “Liberty and Justice for All: What Does It Mean to You?” and delivered through FOUR levels of the 2016 Lions Club Speech Competition. He began with the Palm Springs Lions Club-level competition, and the PS Lions supported him through the next three levels–all the way up to the District Level in Big Bear, California. Henry won $500 in the process and the devotion of his fans. Said Cathy Brant, Palm Springs Lion, “His speech brought tears to my eyes.”

In 1752, Benjamin Franklin invented the lightning rod. This invention protects a building from being destroyed by lightning. However, what is more important is Franklin, as well as other Founding Fathers, built a lightning rod called “liberty and justice for all” so that the new nation would always be protected from the lightning of tyranny and dictatorship.

Here, I want to share some ideas that I have about this universally acknowledged truth as a foreigner, as an outsider.

I know there are many people who will doubt the self-evident words: “Liberty and justice for all.” There are so many tragedies happening today. Fear, anger, nervousness could destroy all the faith we have in those words: “Liberty and justice for all.” However, I view these words as a guidance, something like a polar star. The idea of “Liberty and justice for all” will always give us faith and power to face whatever is in front of us.

“Liberty and justice for all” are not merely some words written on paper, repeated in the Pledge of Allegiance everyday. To me, “Liberty and justice for all” is a warranty, a warranty granted by the Founding Fathers so that people who live on this vast land in North America will never suffer the same pain and slavery of tyranny. The Founding Fathers ignited a torch, a torch of hope and freedom with these simple words. For centuries, people immigrated to the United States and believed this nation is “the promised land.” People move to the United States not only because of its vast natural resources and opportunities but also for the promise of freedom and the right to pursue happiness. That is the reason we have legends of immigrants in America like Kissinger, Albright, Schwarzenegger. That is also a part of the reason I have come to “the land of the free and the home of the brave” to further my education because with these powerful words, I believe that I can have the chance to be the person I want to be.

In the history of the United States, there are dark moments where this nation broke its promise to the world. The enslavement of African Americans, the trail of tears of Native Americans, the internment camps of Japanese Americans in World War II are some unavoidable blots on American history. However, the greatness of this nation is that it will look back to what it has done and do better and improve it. That is why this nation also gave birth to the Civil Rights movement and legislation so that such tragedy in history will never appear again.

Nowadays, there are events like injustice in the justice system, public figures spitting untruthful words about a specific ethnic group or a specific religion. It is a cause for concern. Yet, as President Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” So, please see those protesters expressing “all life matters”; please hear the public outcry against those outrageous speeches; please feel the power of these emotions that will never die. Love, respect, peace. You will see that those who holds malicious thoughts are few; those principles that the Founding Fathers brought forth have not vanished. The enlightened people of the United States still treasure and protect the most valuable assets of this great land: “Liberty and Justice for all.”

Liberty and Justice for all, to me, is also like a nourishing loaf of bread. There is nothing lavish, nothing luxurious in it. However, its simplicity and power do provide vital nutrients to the United States. Some other promises made by other countries are like macaroons: full of lavishness and luxury. Macaroons are sweet inside, but there is nothing left after sweetness. I hope, and I truly believe, this nourishing bread will keep feeding the democracy and prosperity of the United States.

What is racism?

April 15, 2016 by szachik@pvs.org 9 Comments

–by Gaven Li

We live in an extremely sensitive world. If people don’t use words like “black” or “colored” properly, they will be easily considered “racist.” I’ve been living in the United States as a Chinese student for about seventeen months and have met or heard many things that are a little “racist” but not hard to get over. So what is racism? In my very own opinion, racism is not the jokes that my friends often make about my eyes (sometime they are actually funny), or the fact that it took some teachers a year to stop calling me “Michael,” who is another male Chinese student in my grade. I don’t think these things are racist. They won’t even hurt my feelings.

The real racism is when mainstream media keeps conveying wrong messages to the audience that China is still a poor, rural country with uneducated people, while they never show the amazing changes China has made in the past thirty years. The real racism is the stereotype of “the smart Asian” or “the calculator,” without realizing how hard Chinese students study and how competitive it is to get into a good college in China. The real racism is claiming that “Chinese immigrants are taking over our land and our jobs,” while forgetting how European immigrants took land and livelihood from Native Americans two hundred years ago. The real racism is making fun of the Chinese internet blockade while praising the “freedom of speech” which was written in the U.S. Constitution while Edward Snowden has been hiding all over the world for three years. The real racism is laughing at China’s government system without even knowing anything about it, while the U.S. election system is about to let Mr. Donald Trump become the next president. The real racism is indignantly criticizing the child labor issues in China, while ignoring which country held slaves for two centuries.

Growing up in China, we are taught that the United States of America is an amazing country with liberty and democracy—Hollywood, New York, the NBA…it sounds a wonderful place. When I first came here, however, the one question that I was asked so many times was, “Do you eat dogs?” This really shocked me. I don’t know if it’s because of TV, newspapers, or the internet; it seems like most Americans’ knowledge and understanding of China is from the 1970’s. Even though I know the United States is probably so perfect that the people don’t necessarily want to learn too much about other countries, what really upsets me is the fact that so many people accept the wrong, misguided images of China or Chinese people without thinking or researching. The comic-strip caricature of the evil Fu Manchu, for example, was perpetuated by the media and politicians. I can live with all the racist jokes, but it is the disrespect and unfair judgement to my motherland that hurts me the most.

Because of cultural differences, Asian people usually don’t speak out for themselves or protest in public, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings. I’m not pointing at anyone since most of my friends and teachers are nice to me and I really appreciate it. I’m just expressing how I feel about racism as portrayed in the media and internet. Indeed, Asians have small eyes, but they are big enough for us to see the unfairness and discrimination we are facing.

The most influential persons in history

April 8, 2016 by szachik@pvs.org 10 Comments

–comments and summary by senior Blog Correspondent and future “Influential Person” Ashley Zhou

The other day when I was browsing the old bookshelf at home, a book caught my eyes: The 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential Persons in History by Michael Hart.
I have thought about this topic but was never able to come up with my own list of influential persons.
The first names that popped out of my head were Isaac Newton, newton Jesus Christ, and maybe Sherlock Holmes. So, I opened the book. I was curious to find out who is the most influential person. Muhammad. The book said, “Muhammad.”
Ummm. I have to admit that I was a little bit shocked because I didn’t know a whole bunch about Muhammad. So I continued reading and tried to find out more about him. In the preface, author Hart admitted that ranking Muhammad first might be controversial, but he felt that from a secular historian’s perspective, this was the correct choice because Muhammad is the only man to have been both a founder of a major world religion and a major military/political leader.
As I kept reading the book, I find that the list was clearly dominated by religious leaders (implying that they were the most influential group of people). Next, came innovaters and scientists, and then political figures. The highest ranked political/military figure does not come until #17 (Qin Shi Huang, the first Chinese emperor to unite China), followed by Caesar Augustus (nephew of Julius, creator of a peaceful Roman era) at #18. This view would be consistent with the idea that “the pen is mightier than the sword.” jesus-christ-munir-alawi
But, why are the religious leaders the most influential group in history? Or, what evidence did the author use to support his point?
Firstly, the influence of religion is much more profound and widespread across the world than that of military or politics or fashion, etc. People nowadays still keep their beliefs and religions as very important parts their lives. In history, those founders went through a harsh, austere, and long process of establishing those religions. Hart explains religions lead their people to fight battles, teach them about the theories or save them from their sufferings. Religion wasn’t only a redemption but also a main support in people’s lives. A kingdom may last a century or so, but it doesn’t expand beyond its borders. Religions spread worldwide and last for generations. That is why religions and religious leaders have such widespread influence across the world.
Inventors and scientists bring us steam engines, paper making, electricity, the basic knowledge of the universe, pasteurization, magneto, airplanes, radios, telephones, photography, X-Rays and many other technologies to better our standard of living. These changes are tangible and practical, and, more importantly, these inventions and discoveries are the foundation of the progress of human civilization. So that’s why inventors and scientists are ranked the second most influential group in history.
As I mentioned, the highest ranking political/military figure doesn’t come till #17 on Hart’s list. Hart explains that’s because the influence of an empire usually doesn’t last longer than one or two centuries. Even though those kings and emperors were great leaders and fighters, they weren’t as influential as religious and scientific leaders. And, of course, Hitler is a member of The 100. He’s #35 (#39 in the revised edition).
As we enter the 21st century, there are many other notable and notorious individuals who truly influenced our lives: Steve Jobs, Ronald Reagan, FDR, Mark Zuckerberg, Oprah, even Benedict Cumberbatch. I am looking forward to the update of this book. In another 50 years, I hope I am on the list. Hehehe.

Who would be on your list of “The 100 Most Influential”? Mr. Sarkis? Kobe? Rihanna?

The Word According to Henry (and Samuel Johnson)

April 1, 2016 by szachik@pvs.org 3 Comments

–by senior Blog Correspondent Henry Huang

Samuel Johnson, a genius of the English language, wrote the classic A Dictionary of the English Language in 1755. This widely-praised, linguistic-shifting, perhaps antiquated, dictionary has some very funny definitions. It is one of the earliest and most important English dictionaries. Here are some witty, amusing entries:

Oats. n.s. [aten, Saxon.] A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people. (Samuel Johnson was NOT a fan of the Scottish.)
Sonnet. n.s. [sonnet, French; sonnetto, Italian.] A short poem consisting of fourteen lines, of which the rhymes are adjusted by a particular rule. It is not very suitable to the English language, and has not been used by any man of eminence since Milton.
Lexicógrapher. n.s. [λεξικὸν and γράφω; lexicographe, French.] A writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge, that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the signification of words.
Patron. n.s. [patron, Fr. patronus, Latin.] One who countenances, supports or protects. Commonly a wretch who supports with insolence, and is paid with flattery.

Reading these witticisms inspires me to write some of my own dictionary definitions:

A Dictionary of the English Language According to Henry:
Political Science: A study of politics, a study considered to be a modern-day dragon-killing skill

Life: A process from toothless to toothless.

Football (American): A sport that doesn’t necessarily need feet to play

Americans: A group of people who live in the United States. Sometimes a group considered annoying, loud, arrogant, and monolingual!

What contemporary English words would you like to RE-define?